The Fall of ‘Honey Boo Boo’ Is the Death Knell of Trashy Reality TV

View photo

.

A shift is occurring in reality television.

Networks are beginning to look at their programming slates and realizing that the celebration of American subcultures like "Jersey Shore," "Teen Mom," "Hoarders," "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and "Duck Dynasty" are losing viewers. That's enough motivation on its own to make a change.

But when you add in the risk factor of these nonfiction stars' unedited beliefs and lifestyles getting out to the world, networks are also finding that the costs to their brand are outweighing the benefits.

See photos: 11 TV Shows Canceled by Controversy – From 'Honey Boo Boo' to 'Politically Incorrect'

TLC's recent bout with "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" is a timely example. Viewers tuned in to this "Toddlers & Tiaras" spinoff to watch how the other half lives and discovered that they talk about one other's flatulence, rarely eat unprocessed foods and are OK with a missing tooth or five. Their general lifestyle is characterized by what most would consider ignorance or bad behavior.

So why is anyone surprised that family patriarch June Shannon – aka Mama June – could decide to date someone who was convicted of molesting a young relative of hers?

"Paula Deen's views are seen as odious," TruthCo. president Linda Ong, whose company has been studying reality TV since 2010, told TheWrap. "[Duck Dynasty's] Phil Robertson's views are considered intolerant. The Benham Brothers views are considered out of step. So, the culture is asking: why are we celebrating these people? Same thing with Mama June."

Also read: TruthCo. President Linda Ong Urges Reality TV Producers to 'Stop Copying'

One of the reasons we're seeing more and more reality TV controversies is one of the core problems of televised entertainment: its tendency to copy successful formats. In this case, if networks continue to replicate downmarket shows, the sheer number makes it more likely for controversy to occur.

"It's up to the networks to stop enabling these people and move on," Ong advised. "That's really what it needs to do in order to grow. It has dug itself a hole and, really, now it's coming up and biting them in the butt. Stop copying, that's my advice."

TLC's swift decision to cancel "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" is indicative of the times to come. It has learned some lessons from the controversies before it. A&E, for example, was ridiculed for its back and forth when Robertson was under fire. They were accused of hedging for their No. 1 rated show. There was no such waffling on the part of TLC. It released a statement within a couple hours and made its decision to cancel the show in less than 24 hours.

Also read: TruTV President Explains Network's Comedic Rebrand, Reveals Scripted Shows in the Works

"Duck Dynasty" would go on to suffer from a double-digit decline in viewers. Was the damage to A&E's brand worth it?

Ong said that the culture is becoming increasingly progressive and reality shows have to reflect that movement with programming that looks for real answers to real problems.

The branding expert also pointed to shows like FYI's "Marriage at First Sight," which uses psychologists and other experts to match two people who marry and then have 30 days to decide if they want to divorce. It's the antithesis of shows like ABC's "The Bachelor," which asks participants to pick their own matches and reflects the very real fact that half of all marriages end in divorce. Clearly, we have a hard time picking our life mates.

She also referenced the new wave of naked shows, again the very opposite of the gruff, bearded men we've seen populate shows like "Duck Dynasty" and "Pawn Stars."

Also read: Why Naked Reality Dating Show Pitches Are Flooding Hollywood

"You see guys on those shows being completely vulnerable," Ong said. "That's a shift from the men we've been seeing in reality TV who are flaunting their masculinity."

VH1 was the first to air a naked dating show here in the U.S. VH1's executive vice president of original programming and production, Susan Levison, told TheWrap that she was attracted to the authenticity the show brought out in its participants.

"[The nudity] was really a storytelling device that was about something — the search for true love and what happens when you throw away your inhibitions," Levison said. "I loved the fact that it was a big hook and it was noisy but also that there was something real and authentic driving it."

And there's Bravo's "Extreme Guide to Parenting," which looks to parents who are trying a variety of different methods to keep their children well behaved – again searching to fix a problem with which many people wrestle in real life.

Also read: 'Honey Boo Boo' Star Mama June Addresses Show's Cancellation, Child Molester Controversy

Networks are being proactive about the death of the downmarket shows. TruTV, for example, just unveiled its new comedy-centric rebrand.

"The rebrand was really driven by a desire for TruTV to break out and to break away from its sort of derivative nature into new areas that felt relevant to audiences," the network's president and head of programming, Chris Linn, told TheWrap.

There again, we hear the idea of shows having relevance to viewers. The culture no longer wants to watch TV shows about people exhibiting bad taste, bad behavior and creating problems. It wants solutions – and networks are starting to give them what they want.

Watch Anna Marie Cardwell -- aka "Chickadee" -- open up about the reality of making TLC's "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and how the show took its toll on her family, below:

Related stories from TheWrap:

Bunim-Murray President Talks New York Expansion, Importance of Interactivity in Reality TV

TruTV Shows Off Its New 'Way More Fun' Programming With Sizzle Reel (Exclusive Video)

TV Guide Network Rebranding to POP in Celebration of Fans

• Television
• Arts & Entertainment
• reality TV
• Duck Dynasty
• Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Read More

Small Business Expert: Answers To Your Three Biggest Relationship Building Questions

Editor's Note: You asked and Michael Simmons answered. Today is the second response in Forbes' weekly Ask An Expert series, running from now through the third week of November.

How does one actively maintain professional networks over time?  (via @notzoechin)

If you're just starting, a question that you may want to ask instead is, "What is the easiest way to start the habit of keeping in touch with your network?" Once you have a baseline habit that you're consistently following, it's easier add harder habits that have even more impact.

I've tried many approaches, and I think the best approach to get started is:

• Customizing your social media newsfeeds.
• Leaving a trail when you browse other people's updates on social media.

Let me explain. Chances are that if you mapped the 30 most important people in your network, it probably wouldn't overlap with the status updates you see when you visit Facebook. As amazing as their algorithm is, they're optimizing for keeping you on the site for as long as possible, and you're optimizing for deepening relationships with specific people. The good news is that you can create a Close Friends List on Facebook and a List on Twitter and put the most important people in your network in them.

Once you do this one change, your experience of these sites will be completely transformed. Now, every time you go on them, you will be seeing the most important people in your life that you want to keep in touch with. This strategy for forming habits is called habit stacking. Habit stacking is using one habit to more easily create another. In this case, you're using your habit of consistently using social media to create a new habit of staying in touch with the most important people in your network.

The next step is leaving a trail, which is a term I learned from Laura Roeder, founder of LKR Social Media. Don't just be a passive consumer of people's updates. Take the extra few seconds to 'like' their posts, give thoughtful comments, and even share them when you're moved to. This will deepen your relationship and keep you in the loop on what's happening in each other's lives.

For more help on how to integrate this approach, read my article, Why Social Media Is Not A Distraction For Entrepreneurs.

How Do I Know Which People Are The Right People For Networking With? (via ‏@jamie_swarts)

This is a really good question, and one that I've gained insight into through trial and error. Here are the two main criteria I use to evaluate who I network with:

Values. I find that when I network with people with the same core values, we're more likely to hit it off and also maintain the relationship for a really long-time. Because core values don't change, I found that we've stayed in touch even when our careers took different paths. It's easy to over-focus on networking with people based on their success but who do not share the same values. I've found that these relationships often don't work. I get less value from them, and I feel like I need to be someone that I'm not in order to fit in.

Relevance Now. As professionals, we need to spend the majority of our relationship building time with people who will help us accomplish our goals now. Therefore, I look for people who have accomplished goals I'm trying to accomplish, solved problems I can't overcome, or are relevant to our business in another way.

I explain this more in The Most Important Decision You Need To Make When Building A Network.

I know networking is about establishing mutually beneficial relationships. However, as a recent graduate, I'm not always sure how to accomplish that with already established professionals. Any advice on bridging the experience gap?

Every stage of life has its benefits and disadvantages.

While someone older may have more experience, wealth, and a larger network, you have other assets you can use to help create mutually beneficial relationships. Here are a few of those assets:

• Time. If you're a recent grad, chances are that you probably don't have children. So, in addition to your day job, you have time you could use to strategically volunteer with people you want to build a relationship with. I remember when I wanted to build a relationship with a professional speaker. I offered to help her in anyway she needed. She subsequently mailed me 20+ pages of testimonials she had received that she wanted typed up. I gladly did this, and to this day, we are still connected.
• Network Of Young Smart People. Many people in growing organizations are looking to hire really smart people who are young. You could serve as an informal recruiting agency and connect your smartest friends to job opportunities while building relationships with the people you connect them to at the same time.
• Innate Understanding Of Youth Culture. If you're building a relationship with someone older who markets to young people or manages them, you could serve as a sounding board as you're immersed in youth culture.
• Social Media Interaction. If a person creates content, and you like their content, you can be helpful by consistently sharing that content, giving feedback on what resonates with you or if there are typos, or thoughtfully commenting. You could volunteer by offering to be an extra pair of eyes before content is published. If you've worked with the person in anyway, you can endorse them on LinkedIn.

Even with all of these approaches, you still may not be able to be helpful upfront. However, if you express a sincere desire to be helpful by asking, "How can I help you?" then you're off to a great start and your intentions will be appreciated. If someone does help you, you can make them feel good about the experience by expressing your sincere appreciation, actually applying their advice, and then reporting back on the results.

Over time, as you build more relationships this way, you'll find more and more ways that you can build mutually beneficial relationships with people who are much more experienced.

Have question on building your personal brand? See last week's answers here.

Read More

Getting acquainted with polyamory

I didn't quite know how to feel when I unintentionally found myself at one end of a polyamorous relationship. I was startled, to say the least, although I did not quite understand why. Don't get me wrong, I have, for a long time, firmly believed that loving, consensual relationships of any shape or form should be accepted and welcomed in society. But at the same time, it was an unexpected surprise to be told by someone I had just started seeing that he had a girlfriend. Amidst my confusion, I felt the need to tell a few friends about how I was now involved in a polyamorous relationship. For the most part, the responses were neutral, if not supportive. But one of my friend's responses in particular stood out from the rest.
"That's messed up," my friend said abruptly, after sharing my experience with him.

"Not when there is consent on all ends of the relationship," I argued.
"Nah, it's still messed up."

My friend's strong reaction to polyamory – or more crucially, his reaction to a so-called deviant relationship form – spoke to a broader issue of how some forms of love and relationship structures are valued more and seen as more legitimate in society at-large. It left me wondering where does this stigma come from, and why are so many people in our society averse to the idea of polyamory?

Monogamy dominates the representation of relationships in media. People who partake in more than one committed relationship at once are largely nonexistent in mainstream media. This has not only resulted in the absence of the term "polyamory" amongst common knowledge, but it has also worked to spread misinformation among those who have heard of it, of what it truly means in practice.

In order to clear up these misconceptions, and to learn more about polyamory, I interviewed two people who identify as polyamorous: Jocelyn Beaudet, a student at Concordia University, and Jane*, a student in U1 at McGill, studying linguistics and Sexual Diversity Studies. Each person I spoke with helped me clear up misconceptions of polyamory that run rampant in our society. They shared their experiences of polyamorous relationships, and the difficulties they've encountered in a society where monogamy is understood as the only natural way that intimate relationships should form.

Why polyamory?

Much of the misunderstanding surrounding polyamory seems to stem from not knowing the actual definition. According to the best-selling novel The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, polyamory is "being openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people." Jocelyn's working definition of polyamory also resonated with me, where he described it as "the foundation of ethical non-monogamy where you have defined relationships with more than one person at the same time. By relationship I mean full-time, accessible, functional relationships that are both emotional and physical."

People engage in polyamorous relationships for different reasons. In Jocelyn's case, monogamy just doesn't feel right. "It's not necessarily because of neediness, or as the comments go to say, you're just not happy with this person. It's just this void of emotions that one person cannot realistically fulfill."
By this "void", he is referring to the emptiness felt when there are hobbies he wants to share with his partner, that are not of interest to them. "The gap that exists [...] is so wide [that] even if you love someone in their entirety and they love you back, there's still that feeling [that occurs] when you're single and you wish you were with someone."
When I asked Jane why she chose to be polyamorous, she answered simply, "Freedom."

"It's not about [dating multiple people], it's about being allowed to. I don't want anyone to tell me what to do with my body, and [vice versa]. I don't want to tell anyone who to love or who to be with. I think they're allowed to be whatever they want."

The idea of polyamory, and forming intimate relationships with multiple people, goes directly against the normalized monogamous narrative we're so often bombarded with in mainstream media and day-to-day interactions. Women are particularly subject to the policing of their behaviour, bodies, and relationships. If a woman engages in multiple relationships – as a polyamorous woman would – she's subject to being pitted as a 'easy' or a 'slut.' The motive behind this type of policing is incredibly insidious and deeply embedded in our society. The omnipresent promotion of monogamy as the be-all-end-all of relationships is in directly relation to promoting the livelihood of the patriarchal capitalist state. As such, polyamorous people often face accusations that aim to villainize their relationship practice in opposition to 'healthy' and 'normal' monogamous relationships. These accusations of polyamorous people being cheaters, and unfaithful to their primary partn ers, of being 'greedy' in terms of sex and desire for intimacy, or to being in multiple relationships purely for intercourse, need to be put out of their misery.

Polyamory is not cheating

Upon asking Jane what one of the most common misunderstandings of polyamory is, she said that many people think that it is cheating. In Jane's words, polyamory is "making sure that every partner in the relationship is aware of what's happening." Therefore, cheating has nothing to do with it.

Unfortunately, many people who are introduced to polyamory have trouble wrapping their minds around this concept. Whenever Jane shares her relationship issues with friends, "the one thing that comes back [even] if it has nothing to do with the issue [is that I] 'slept with other people' [...] and that's what made things go bad in the relationship."

When discussing this topic with Rachel Costin, a university student in Toronto, she excellently explained it by saying that "cheating is going outside the boundaries set by you and your partners, [and] because seeing other people is outside the boundaries of a standard relationship, people automatically assume that it is cheating." Those who think polyamory is cheating don't understand that with a different type of relationship comes different rules and standards, and that the rules of monogamy do not apply to all relationships.

Polyamory is not about greed

Another common misconception about polyamory is that it is a greedy and selfish practice, as it is supposedly "taking more people out of the dating pool" as Jocelyn told me.
Jocelyn finds this idea to be ironic. "Monogamy is claiming someone as my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my partner." Monogamy's usage of possessive adjectives, along with utter refusal to create loving relationships with more than one person, has if anything, a closer resemblance to greed than polyamory.
Jane also made a couple of interesting comparisons herself. "If I work in one cafe, and I work in another one, that doesn't mean I don't do my job well in the other one, and it doesn't mean that I don't like working in the second one or the first one. It just means that I work at two cafes. If I have two best friends, it doesn't mean that I love one more than the other, it just means that I love them differently."

People who take up more than one job are never accused of wanting more money, nor are people who have more than one really close friend accused of being greedy for more love and friendships. If this is so, why are polyamorous people still accused of being selfish for desiring love from more than one relationship?

Advice for polycurious monogamists
As someone who unexpectedly found herself in a polyamorous relationship, I constantly thought about whether or not I would be able to continue in a long-term polyamorous relationship. Growing up with the expectation that I would only be in monogamous relationships, I was unprepared for something so strange and new. I didn't know if I could ever feel comfortable knowing that I was not the only significant person in a partner's life. I also questioned whether it was worth facing the disapproval of my friends were they to ever find out the kind of relationship I was in.

Upon asking Jocelyn how people like me could give polyamory a shot, he recommended being honest to the people you intend to be with. Both Jocelyn and Jane agreed that as bad as it sounds, it is difficult to discuss openly about polyamory with friends, and in some cases, it might be better to withhold some information until you're more comfortable with it yourself. Jocelyn said "[telling friends] what it's about, why you're doing it, and why you feel that way" can greatly help when sharing the details of your love life.
One other strategy that he said worked particularly well was taking both his partners and his friends for a night out. It was effective because his friends got the chance to see that there was no jealousy amongst Jocelyn and his significant others, and that perhaps polyamory is not so bad after all.

Polyamory at McGill

Talking to Jane, I asked her what it was like to be a polyamorous a student at McGill. Although there are many university initiatives that strive for safer space, Jane is still both directly and indirectly subject to judgement by both teachers and students. How accepted she feels in the McGill community depends on the person, program, or class being dealt with.
Some people are "totally understanding of [polyamory, while] there are others who just did not understand the concept. They only saw it as cheating."
In regards to her experiences in class, she has sometimes felt marginalized as a polyamorous woman. "In Sexual Diversity Studies, [polyamory] is acceptable, but when you go outside of these things, the professors and TAs don't acknowledge this kind of relationship."

Jane told me an example of this tension, where her history professor told a joke about a roommate who maybe had a new sexual partner. In the end of the story, Jane felt it reasserted the norm that everyone should only have one partner. The prof had meant no harm, but the joke still left Jane feeling like the butt end of a bad laugh, and uncomfortable with her sexual identity.

If this situation were to happen in a group of friends at McGill or in a Sexual Diversity Studies class, she would not have been afraid to call someone out on their joke. But in a history class, she did not feel that calling it out would be either relevant or well received. Jane told me she wouldn't have the support of other classmates that she would have in a class related to gender or sexual diversity.

To make McGill a safer space for polyamorous people and people who practice other forms of non-normative relationships in more than just a select number of classes, Jane agrees that the students and staff should be educated on the topic.

She thinks that most people "would just dismiss it, but it's very important to make people aware of polyamory's existence." By teaching others about polyamory, more people would identify with this sexuality, since the term is rather unknown among the public. Besides the occasional judgement she has experienced at McGill, overall Jane finds that it is definitely better here than some other places in Quebec, where she has met people who are very strongly opposed to polyamory. Even so, McGill still has a way to go before becoming the welcoming space to alternative forms of relationships.

Polyamory is not about leading a promiscuous lifestyle, nor is it some innate greed for more love and attention. As in most monogamous relationships, polyamory is not just about receiving love. As Jocelyn put it, "It's more about giving. We have so much love to give that only one person could not possibly be the target of all of it." This idea of purity in our romantic and sexual lives that has been ingrained into our culture makes it harder for non-monogamous relationships to openly thrive.

Read More

Reality TV star Kim Kardashian has a rare fashion fail with an ill-fitting teal number

Fashion fail ... Kanye West with Kim Kardashian in an ill-fitting teal frock at the LACMA Art + Film Gala. Picture: Getty Images Source: Getty Images

SHE'S normally the picture of fashion perfection but reality television star Kim Kardashian had a rare frock fail at one of Hollywood's glammest nights.

Stars of the big screen flocked to the LACMA Art + Film Gala last night, honouring film megastar Quentin Tarantino and conceptual artist Barbara Kruger.

Critics' scorn ... some online have described Kim Kardashian's choice of gown for the LACMA's as an ill-fitting fashion fail. Picture: AFP Source: AFP

Kardashian's red carpet choices normally flatter her killer curves, but the teal Cushnie et Ochs number she chose on Saturday did not.

SHAPELY STARS: Celebrities caught flashing their Spanx in public

It has been described online as ill-fitting, too tight across her midsection and unshapely around the bust.

Star couple ... Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were among a host of stars to attend the LACMA Art + Film Gala on Saturday. Picture: AFP Source: AFP

Rare miss ... TV star and style maven Kim Kardashian is normally a master of dressing to flaunt her killer curves. Picture: AFP Source: AFP

Those disastrous attributes, coupled with an awkwardly placed leg slit, and the gown made for one unflattering disaster.

But on the plus side, the star's hubby Kanye West looked smitten and the couple were a picture of romantic bliss.

HALLOWEEN HERO: Iggy Azalea strikes back at Snoop Dogg in ongoing rap feud

And it could've been worse — at least she didn't come dressed in a chocolate wrapper, like actress China Chow.

Interesting choice ... Jamie Foxx with China Chow, who wore a gown inspired by a chocolate wrapper. Picture: Getty Images Source: Getty Images

Kardashian and West joined a host of other big name personalities at the Los Angeles bash, hosted by premiere fashion house Gucci.

Among those in attendance was Jennifer Lopez, Kirsten Dunst, Amy Adams, Jennifer Hudson, Jamie Foxx, Demi Moore and Selena Gomez.

J-Whoa ... Jennifer Lopez demonstrates how to properly combine killer curves and the colour teal.  Source: AFP

Style queen ... actress Demi Moore arrives at the LACMA Art + Film Gala. Picture: AP Source: AP

Silver sleek ... singer Selena Gomez dazzles in a divine silver number. Picture: AFP Source: AFP

Gal pals ... Kirsten Dunst and Amy Adams paint a pretty picture together. Picture: Getty Images Source: Getty Images

Flawless beauty ... actress Kate Hudson among the best dressed at the LACMA Art + Film Gala in Los Angeles. Picture: Getty Images Source: Getty Images

Read More

Kim & Kanye's Reality TV-Bound Pastor: 'I Believe in Their Marriage

It was bound to happen.

Rich Wilkerson Jr., the pastor who grabbed international headlines when he performed the wedding ceremony for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, is getting his own reality show on the Oxygen Network.

The show, tentatively dubbed The Wilkersons, will star the 30-year-old pastor and his wife, DawnCheré and will be produced by E's Giuliana Rancic and Jason Kennedy.

The sudden attention has mystified Wilkerson, who bears more than a passing resemblance to Leonardo DiCaprio.

"I never expected that anyone would care who performed the ceremony," he says. "Celebrities get married all the time and no one knows who their pastor is. I didn't tell anyone I was doing the wedding; I just went to Italy and did it. And then everything started moving really fast."

PEOPLE recently spent a day with Wilkerson to learn more about the Miami pastor who has celebrities on speed dial – but insists that his heart is really about helping those in need. "The wedding and now the reality show has given me a platform to give my message of redemption, which is for all people," he says. "That's why I'm here."

A Thriving Ministry

In a rough neighborhood of Miami Gardens, the sprawling campus of Trinity Church sits alongside strip malls and blue-collar shops. The building could clearly use some repair, but it has become the center of the community.

Every Tuesday night, Wilkerson, 30, leads The Rendezvous, (nicknamed "the Vous"), the church's young adult ministry. Seven years ago, Wilkerson decided to reach out to a younger crowd. His first service had 12 people; it now has more than 1,100.

It has the vibe of a hip Miami club: live rap music, contemporary singers, and an attractive, ethnically-diverse crowd dancing in the aisles. But when it's time for Wilkerson to preach, he tackles the tough issues, giving clear advice on everything from racism to drugs and sex, and he doesn't shy away from preaching about sin and repentance.

"I want to reach people who have given up, who are out of hope," he says. "I want to talk to people who haven't felt comfortable in church. But I'm going to tell the truth. And sometimes the truth isn't easy."

DawnChere Wilkerson, Kanye West and Rich Wilkerson

Courtesy Rich Wilkerson

Meeting Kim and Kanye

It was at the Vous that he first met West and Kardashian about two years ago.

"One night, I got a text [from a friend of Kanye's] that he was going to bring Kanye to church," says Wilkerson. "We hung out and chatted. He flew back into town the following week and came to church. The week after that, he and Kim flew in from New York just to come to church."

"It began a relationship; we started emailing and calling each other. We collaborated on a few things: art, fashion, music, Jesus. He invited me to write a few things for his tour, and I've been able to counsel him on a few things."

Wilkerson is used to being asked about some of the couple's more controversial moments. "I don't have to agree with everything that someone does to love them," says Wilkerson. "I think that's actually a problem within the church: everyone wants to judge everyone else. My job isn't to judge anyone. I tell the truth if I'm asked, and we may disagree, but we're still friends. Kanye knows what my standards are. There's a respect there."

When they asked him to officiate the wedding, Wilkerson readily agreed. "I got to give my message," he says. "They wanted a Christian wedding, and wanted me to talk about Jesus. It wasn't a message of hate and judgment; it was a message of hope and love. Kim and Kanye have both told me that they're followers of Jesus; we're on the journey together as friends. I believe in them, and I believe in their marriage."

Hollywood Comes Calling

The wedding instantly made Wilkerson a local celebrity. Sitting with PEOPLE at Lagniappe, a funky Miami barbecue joint and wine bar, it's hard not to notice the four young women staring at him from the next table. Finally, one of the approaches.

"Is your name Rich?" she asks. "Will you take a picture with us?" He sheepishly complies, and the women immediately tag him on Instagram.

It's that notoriety that lead networks and production companies to take an interest in a reality show. "I don't watch a lot of reality TV," says Wilkerson. "But I'm not against it. Love it or hate it, reality TV has become the language of our culture. And I believe that there's a place for Christians to show that this is who we are, this is what we believe, and we're not all sitting in judgment of other people. It's a chance for me to show the love of Jesus Christ. It's a platform."

And what can viewers expect?

"There's a lot of my life that is hilarious," he says. "But there's also a lo t that is very serious. We have people in our church who are facing difficult things. Also, my wife and I are trying to have children, and it hasn't happened yet. Obviously, if the show causes stress in our marriage, we'd stop doing it, but I think we're both on the same page."

One of Wilkerson's chief concerns: how a reality show will affect his ministry. "There are people who will think that I'm exploiting my celebrity friends for my own gain," he says. "I don't want anyone to think that. I am really looking for ways to share some good news with as many people as possible. If I don't do that, what's the point?"

And if more celebs show up at the church? "They'll be welcome here," he says. "But they're no more welcome and no more important than the homeless guy who walks in. I want to minister to the famous and the nameless. Everyone is welcome at our church. And it'll stay that way."

DawnChere Wilkerson, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Rich Wilkerson

Courtesy Rich Wilkerson

Read More

Reality TV wrestles for our hearts and minds

Reality shows are modern television's runaway success story. But 10 years ago, it was a different story for Kiwi viewers.

Maree and James from The Block.

In 2004 Kiwi television viewers lapped up a diet of live local sport, documentaries and free-to-air movies.

Fast forward a decade and tastes have changed ¬ significantly, with an insatiable appetite for fact-based and competitive reality shows.

That may come as no surprise to those of us bombarded most nights by local shows The Block and My Kitchen Rules. Change the channel and it's imports Highway Patrol and Border Security.

But comparing figures on the most watched programmes from 10 years ago with today lays bare our shifting interests.

According to TV bosses, the trend shows no signs of slowing down.

That was reflected as TV3 announced its new season line-up this week, snatching MasterChef after rival TVNZ chopped it, and promising adaptations of international hits The Bachelor and Grand Designs.

In 2004, figures from ratings agency Nielsen show four of the Top 10 most-watched show s on conventional TV in the 25-54 age group were live sports events, featuring rugby and netball.

Families also tuned into gentle movies Bend It Like Beckham and Bridget Jones Diary.

Another smash hit was the TVNZ documentary Dare to Be Free, one of the great World War II escape stories.

Reality shows were in their relative infancy - but the ominous signs of a star in the making were there. The NZ Idol grand final was the most-watched programme and Celebrity Treasure Island was No 7 in the ratings.

Lana Coc-Kroft with other contestants in Celebrity Treasure Island from 2004.

A peek at the 2014 charts, however, reveals a different picture. In the same age category, five reality shows are present - My Kitchen Rules Australia, followed by the fact-based Police Ten 7, Highway Patrol, Moto rway Patrol and Nabbed.

The figures released to the Herald on Sunday only take us up to September 30 but it's a fair bet by the end of the year The Block and MKR NZ will muscle their way into the top 10.

The only real constant between the decades is the ongoing ¬ popularity of One News.

These are trying times in TV land. There is now so much more choice that providers are being prompted to try new things to attract ever-fragmenting audiences.

Figures show that in the 5-plus age groups, at peak times television audience figures are slightly up in the past decade - from 1,347,100 in 2004 to 1,463,500 this year.

But TV companies admit it is a struggle to keep up with where and when viewers are watching because of new time-shifting technologies that allow people to record programmes and watch them when they want.

The rise of on-demand services has also created two distinct audiences.

Younger viewers want to see overseas content online on tablets, laptops and mobile phones shortly after they screen in the US.

Older viewers have until recently been more patient to wait until shows screen later on television. But that is changing, too.

TVNZ recently started fast-tracking content such as the Batman prequel Gotham, Arrow and Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D on its channels, as well as on-demand.

"We are now also seeing a rise in Kiwis 'binge watching' their favourite programmes," says Dr Brett Nicholls, senior lecturer in media, film and communication at the University of Otago.

Some people find shows like Game of Thrones, very, addictive.

"They will go to an on-demand service and watch an entire series of Game of Thrones over two days. Some will even brag to their mates that they have taken a few days off work to wat ch as many episodes of Breaking Bad as they can.

"This is something people could never have done 10 years ago. There is so much content available now it is ridiculous."

Nicholls believes television is enjoying a boom time in New Zealand but that TV stations are having -trouble keeping track of the numbers watching because of the variety of delivery systems.

That is leading to new adventures for TV bosses, which point to what - and how - we'll consume our diet of entertainment in the future.

MediaWorks is attempting a groundbreaking format for its breakfast slots on TV3 and RadioLive.

Early next year, Paul Henry will front the country's "first cross platform show" - provisionally called Breakfast 2015 - which will replace the early morning offerings on the television channel and radio station.

MediaWorks is also planning a soap for TV3 that is "firmly rooted in contemporary New Zealand" to rival TV2 stalwart Shortland Street.

Amanda Billing as Dr Sarah Potts (left) in her final episode of Shortland St screened on TV2 18 August 2014. Potts died in this episode.

Even pay-for view giant Sky TV has joined the battle to grab the more demanding viewers of the future.

Sky has seen its subscribers soar from 576,602 in 2004 to 865,055, mainly because of its domination of the live sports market.

However, next month it will introduce a subscription on-demand video service called Neon, in addition to its programmed movie channels.

And next year there will be more free on-demand services introduced that will allow people to download and watch programmes via the ¬internet that are not scheduled to be screened for weeks.

"If people look at the Discovery Channel and see that Shark Week is on next month, they will be able to watch all of this pretty much immediately," Sky c hief executive John Fellet, says.

"People now want and expect easy access to content they are already paying for through their subscriptions and that is a challenge we aim and have to meet."

Online sports coverage is also becoming popular. Sky last year lost the rights to the English Premier League football and top golf to Coliseum Sports Media, which now plans to expands its on-demand content by introducing live European rugby.

The success or failure of new ventures will be tested next year. But there remains one certainty in the mind of programme planners: reality TV is not going ¬anywhere. If anything, we're likely to see more.

Screening prime time challenge programmes multiple times a week like My Kitchen Rules and The Block is a recent phenomenon peculiar to New Zealand and Australia.

"The rise of multi-night challenge reality in recent times took everyone a bit by surprise," says Jeff Latch, TVNZ's head of content.

"Unt il recently, Kiwis were happy with once a week shows like Celebrity Treasure Island. Challenge reality shows being screened three nights a week is something you don't see happening in huge markets like the US and Britain, but Kiwi and ¬Australian audiences are driving and demanding this."

Manu Feildel and Pete Evans , hosts of the Australian series My Kitchen Rules.

My Kitchen Rules is the one sour note. TVNZ is reluctant to take on a second series after disappointing ratings; only 400,000 tuned in for the final this week, compared with 600,000 for the MasterChef final.

But the station will not cut back on its reality content. Far from it, according to Latch.

"These programmes are perfect for the 7.30-8.30pm weekday slots which 10 years ago would have been filled with free-to-air movies and drama.

"Censorship rules mean that during that ti me slot we have to be careful about playing anything that might be deemed to have adult content, so challenge reality programmes will be with us for a long time yet."

Shows like The Block, My Kitchen Rules, The Voice and X-Factor attract the most publicity because of their intense interaction with followers on social media, which ramps up interest.

They are also often viewed via on-demand online platforms on increasing numbers of mobile devices.

Author and media commentator Dr Misha Kavka, associate dean of Film, Television and Media Studies at the University in Auckland, believes inexpensive Kiwi and Aussie reality programmes feature so highly in ratings simply because they are only being watched on conventional TV sets and are of little interest to on demand viewers.

"These kinds of programmes tend to be on in early-evening slots when most folk are at home and the TV is switched on, but perhaps people are not paying too muc h attention to what they are viewing.

"I suspect if the likes of Highway Cops was screened at 10pm, few would bother watching.

"On the other hand, something like The Block cost a lot of cash to make so TV companies will invest a lot of time, effort and money pushing them on social media to generate greater interest across many platforms."

More formats of multi-night international reality shows are also in the pipeline. Kiwi company Great Southern Film and Television has acquired the rights to overseas hits Dancing with the Stars.

"Viewers are far more discerning and less loyal these days and you have to compete hard to hold their attention," Great Southern boss Phil Smith says.

"You have to stick with the winners and for most TV companies that means tried and tested formulas from overseas."

Despite rapidly increasing choice about how, when, what and where ¬people are watching television, most industry experts agree the traditional TV set will remain a centre¬piece in the family home for the foreseeable future.

"In the past, people would almost organise their week by what was on television. Watching favourite programmes at set times and nights was part of a routine," Kavka says.

"Being able to record programmes to be watched later, or kids disappearing into their rooms to watch things on cellphones or tablets, has to some extent disrupted this.

"But most people still enjoy the experience of watching TV together, so they are certainly not out of the habit of this being part of the regular family lifestyle."

- Herald on Sunday

Read More

Forget about feelings, real love is a deliberate choice

Seth Adam Smith says real love transcends feelings to become an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

___

My wife and I have known each other since high school, but didn't date until much later. We had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and wanted to get married.

I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.

I felt deflated. "We're so different," I said. "You like to plan, while I like to be spontaneous."

Funny as it may seem, the more I think about this conversation the more I've come to realize that planning to love someone—or choosing to love someone—is actually one of the most beautiful things about love.

Kim's eyes widened. "I can be spontaneous!" she said, hurriedly. "I can totally be spontaneous. You just have to tell me in advance when you want to be spontaneous, and I will write it down in my planner…"

I gave her a strange look. She was totally serious! Clearly, Kim did not understand the meaning of spontaneity.

Funny as it may seem, the more I think about this conversation the more I've come to realize that planning to love someone—or choosing to love someone—is actually one of the most beautiful things about love.

♦◊♦

I've heard it said that real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

It's true.

When all the butterflies have fluttered away and your wedding day becomes a distant memory, you will discover that you've married someone who is just as imperfect as you. And they, in turn, will come to learn that you have problems, insecurities, struggles, quirks—and body odor—just as real as theirs!

Then you will realize that real love isn't just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it's a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Of course, you don't choose who you're attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stayin love with.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting. Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we're lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.

Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. We simply can't abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.

In speaking about my grandma, Grandpa once told my mom, "It hurts me to see her like this. You know, when I got married I thought that everything would be smooth sailing. I never imagined that I would have to help her change her catheter every day. But I do it and I don't mind it—because I love her."When my grandma was in her fifties, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease that disrupts the body's ability to communicate with its nervous system. Within a few short years, Grandma had lost the ability to walk and was confined to a wheelchair. Grandpa, who was then the chief of police, retired two years earlier than planned in order to take care of Grandma. He helped her do everything—from getting around the house and visiting the doctor, to helping her take her medicine and bathe.

More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead.

Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn't always fluffy, cute, and cuddly. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks us to do hard things—to forgive one another, to support each other's dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. Real love isn't easy—and it's nothing like the wedding day—but it's far more meaningful and wonderful.

I recently came across this wonderful quote: "No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice."

Whenever my wife and I run into a problem in our marriage we do our best to choose love. While we're certainly not perfect, the love we share today is more real and more wonderful than anything we had ever anticipated.

So, whatever spontaneous storm may come our way I plan on loving my wife.

If you truly love someone (and they truly love you), commit to that love and plan on it being hard work.

But also plan on it being the most rewarding work of your life.

—-

Looking for a relationship? The Good Men Project promises to have a really good one with your inbox.  Sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter here.

—–

Seth Adam Smith is the best-selling author of Your Life Isn't For You—a book about finding hope and healing through healthy relationships. This article was originally published on SethAdamSmith.com.

Photo—David Amsler/Flickr

Read More