1. Get snappin'
It really pains me to say this, but your main profile photo is THE most important thing on your dating profile. Remember that time you saw a blurred shot of a guy eating fried chicken? I bet you swiped left. In the age of Instagram and filters, there's no excuse for having a bad photo. Our stats at cupid.com show if you don't upload a photo you won't even show up in around 95% of online dating searches. It won't matter if you have the most beautifully-written profile in the world laced with wit and humour – if you have a poor image it won't ever be read. #Fact.
2. Then get snappin' again
Got one photo you like up? Then add another goodie. I can't stress this enough. Having more than one photo helps people can get a sense of who you are. Your main image should be a clear, smiling headshot (no fried chicken). And the additional images must say something about you. So if you're into travelling or all outdoorsy, upload an action shot – you'll draw in people with a similar outlook AND increase your chances of this relationship making it past three dates.
3. Don't be blah
Do you like going out and staying in? Like to 'unwind with a glass of wine'? Great, so does every other person that I've ever met. 'Bubbly and fun' is one of the most overused phrases out there. And don't get me started on 'willing to lie about how we met'. Breathe... Try to show your qualities instead of listing them; if you're funny, write a funny profile instead of saying 'I am funny and witty'. So many people genuinely forget to do this.
Similarly at the singles events I host, the hottest guy in the room won't always get the most ticks. Why? He spent three minutes asking 'What do you do? 'and 'Have you done this before?' so was totally unmemorable. The crowd is big – stand out from it.
4. Have a killer first line
…And any woman who's been on the receiving end of "Hey, fancy a shag?" and/or a penis Snapchat knows this is not what I mean. Although, it does help us ladies immediately know who to block.
In my experience, the best intro line is an original, brief hello which refers to something you like about that person's profile. Like, "Hi! Nice skiing pic – is that France? I went to St Anton this year and it was amazing. Got any other trips planned?". It's simple, shows you have something in common and easily leads into a conversation. It's so obvious when someone does a copy/paste using a message that has clearly been sent to 100 other people before you. So take an extra 30 seconds and send something more meaningful.
From what I've seen, guys generally do most of the chasing online and rarely get messages from girls so, to be fair, you probably can send an average first message and still get a response. But, you know, aim high. Or there's really no point.
5. Know your dating deal breakers
I know how ridiculous this sounds – but I once broke up with a guy for being vegetarian. Not because he was a vegetarians per say, but because – for him – butternut squash, pine nuts and brie became 'too adventurous' on a pizza, and I knew it would never work.
30 Rock/ NBC
I spend a lot time thinking about food, and to be with someone who didn't feel the same made me want to cry into my pulled pork. It's important to know your dating deal breakers and ask questions about them out from the off. Whilst having a 26 page checklist is totally counterproductive, it's ok to want to be on the same page about the important things.
6. Sharing is caring
Find out what you have in common. If you don't have shared interests and values, it's way harder to share a life together. A similar sense of humour also helps massively on the compatibility scale – but keep in mind it's sometimes difficult to convey humour over mail and chat, especially if you are super sarcastic.
7. Read the signs
You don't need a set of tarot cards: if something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. If his screen name is **BigD1ckCharlie**, he is topless and oiled up and talks a lot about signing up 'just to have fun', he probably isn't going to win the boyfriend of the year award. Similarly if you're feeling it's one-sided – i.e. he only texts drunk/late at night – decide quickly if that's what you really want. If you aren't up for anything serious then go for it, but if you want something more meaningful you should probably just move on.
8. Liar, liar pants on fire
We can't help but judge someone by what they reveal about themselves, but remember you are only seeing the version of the person that they have created. If you find out early on there are white lies (men tend to lie about height and income most commonly in online dating) it could be an early sign that trust will be an issue in the relationship. Be honest when writing your own profile – if you haven't been to yoga in over a year you probably shouldn't list it as one of your interests. Namaste.
9. Chance could be a fine thing
It's really easy to be fickle when dating online, to write someone off for the smallest thing – offensive red trousers, incorrect use of their/there/they're.
Give the guys who aren't your usual 'type' a chance. Physical chemistry is important, but some people need time to grow on you. When you're 90 and can tuck your boobs into your trousers, would you rather be with the guy who makes you pee from laughter or the guy who once had abs of steel?
10. Don't flog that dead horse
If it's not working out, log off and move on. Don't waste any more time 'fixing' something that can't be fixed.
11. ...Or play games
It's a great thing to take charge of your love life and online dating can be the BEST confidence boost, but don't take it all too seriously. See who's out there but don't intentionally mess people about. Timing is everything – if you just see it all as a game you might just accidentally unlike Mr Right out of your life.
12. Meet in person, QUICKLY
Online dating sites and apps are great, but the only way you can really test the chemistry and compatibility is to meet in person. And the sooner the better. The longer you chat online, the bigger you build up the fantasy image in your head.
If you like their profile, photos and have enjoyed a bit of banter then perfect! Now meet them in person for a quick drink or coffee. And if the bells chime do let me know.
Danielle Waller is a relationship and dating expert at Cupid.com and SpeedDater.co.uk, which is celebrating its 12 year anniversary in September.
0 comments:
Post a Comment