The Graphic set-out to explore true love in Northern Michigan. We found two couples married for different amounts of time and talked to them about what makes their relationship work, stay strong and what they would say to younger couples just beginning.
JANE AND RUSS BOCK OF PETOSKEY
MARRIED 38 YEARS
1. "We met when we were both at Ferris," Jane said. "My (now) husband lived in the dorm room the year previous to me and one day he and his roommate stopped by to see who lived there."
2. "One of the best memories was a trip to Paris," Jane said. "Things like that have been fun ... Also when I was pregnant with what was supposed to be our last child we didn't know I was having twins. Then two weeks prior to having them I found out and came to his work to tell him. After I told him he turned about as white as a sheet."
"The trip to Paris was amazing," Russ said. "But having our three wonderful children and doing things with them and our grandkids is fun. Traveling is one of the best things to do together."
3. "I think you need to have a sense of humor," Jane said. "For instance he makes me laugh because he's silly a lot, he's always joking. Also don't sweat the small stuff. Like if someone left their socks somewhere you don't like, let it go."
"Trying to get the housework equally divided so everyone does half the work is impossible," Russ said. "You might be contributing 110 percent and the other person only 70 percent. It's never going to equal out, so you can't get wound up about those things."
4. "For me my faith is really important to me and my husband's been right there with me," Jane said. "That's' how the little things don't matter because you do it together not separately."
"You just have to work a little harder," Russ said. "Try to sweeten things up at times. Bring home flowers, put your smile on."
5. "I think communication is really important," Jane said. "Don't let issues build-up, the more you dwell on it the more it will get worse. You can also get too caught up in your careers and they say to yourself "When I get to this point it's going to make me happy," but it won't always. You have to enjoy the journey not just the destination."
"Work your butt off," Russ said. "But also set aside a little time to play each week. Manage your budget, save for toys like boats and snowmobiles rather than taking out loans."
6. "Taking each other for granted," Jane said. "Do something nice for them to let them know you care. It doesn't have to be something big, but nobody likes to be forgotten," Jane said. "Do not forget them, even if it's just a card. He does a lot of little things that let me know he cares. He always turns down my side of the bed every night, I just think it's very sweet."
"Assuming that your partner is going to take care of everything," Russ said. "Living beyond your means. You're not going to get everything you want all at once, and if you try for that you're taking a huge gamble."
7. "It's okay to disagree," Jane said. "And I think young couples trying to have what their parents have, everything. You have to work, it took 20 years for them to get there."
"I've always listened to advice," Russ said. "Some of it you use some of it you don't."
8. "He's very kind and thoughtful," Jane said. "He always looks out for me. He's very patient, he has the patience of a saint and I'm more intense."
"She's sweet and caring always bring a smile on my face, 99 percent of the time," Russ said. "There's always 1 percent you have to watch out for though!"
CAROL AND MIKE SULLIVAN OF CHARLEVOIX
MARRIED NINE YEARS
1. "We're high school sweethearts," Carol said. "We dated all throughout college even though we went to separate schools."
2. "We travel a lot," Mike said. "We have so much fun with our kids, with small kids you just have to roll with it."
"We have a lot of hobbies we have as a family," Carol said. "I would also say our trips to Disney World. We've had plenty of adventures. One thing I've learned with having kids is there are so many moments where you're either going to laugh or cry. So you might as well laugh."
3. & 4. "In 2012 we had a challenging year" Carol said. "We lost a newborn baby and our 4-year-old son was diagnosed with cancer. By focusing on each other and controlling what we can control and not focusing on what we can't got us through a lot. We learned to adapt. My husband has been great and keeping my focus on things that are in my sphere of influence. That way of thinking was transformative. We've learned to depend on one another and not worry about little things in life. Our son went through six months of chemo and is doing good now."
"I think another thing that can be difficult is balancing careers with your personal relationships," Mike said. "I have a dental practice in Charlevoix and it takes time and dedication if you want to have a successful career. I had a certain vision for my practice and that took a lot of time and many hours of working extra. This takes time away from your marriage and family. When you're working 95 hours a week to build a practice it can be difficult on a family. I'm not working on that now, she was so supportive there's no way I could've done it without her. For me it was helpful knowing where the limits were."
5. "One of the things I've always thought is sometimes you will be giving 110 percent and you have to give 110 percent for a really long time," Carol said. "You have to take your commitment seriously, it's an eternal thing."
"Giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt," Mike said. "You can't let racing thoughts get inside your mind, at the end of the day it's about you and them."
6. "Listening to outside influences that don't have your best interest at heart," Carol said. "It might even be a family member or a best friend."
"I would say telling yourself stories," Mike said. "For instance let your mind race if your partner is late and they haven't called yet. Assuming the worst before knowing everything, can cause many problems."
7. "I think each family has to figure out what works for you," Carol said. "You have to find your own values, we really value giving back at our house. We've even created our family mission statement and it helps us to keep focus on what we want for our family. I think for us, the stuff to avoid would be listening to other people. Come up with what your values are and use them. One thing I should add is I grew up in family where my parents had a wonderful relationship, I never heard them argue. But now I think it's important for your children to see you're not perfect. You have to work on a marriage and those challenging times will help you grow. The reality is it takes effort and work." "Because it's my personality if I don't agree with their perspective I have no problem ignoring them," Mike said. "I do agree that because Carol never saw her parents fight she just figured that they had never had disagreements. It turned out they just never fought in front of the kids. So I'm sure it gave them a false perspective. There's going to be really, really difficult times. Just be ready for them, because they will show up."
8. "There are so many things I can't come up with one ...," Mike said. "But my wife is a really great cook."
"His dedication, he'll never quit," Carol said. "If something is hard he will stick at it until the bitter end. When our son was really sick, his positivity helped keep us going."
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