Blaise Aboh: What has the internet done to our relationships? (30 Days, 30 Voices)

Posted in wpzoom 30 days, Lead Story, Y! Daily on May 19, 2014 6:00 pm / no comments

by Blaise Aboh

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"For me, the effect of the internet on relationships is a case of weighing plus against minus, and not a case of whether it's a plus or a minus and the truth be told, the negative impact far outweighs the positive impact."

The internet's 25 years existence was celebrated earlier this year, if one should weigh the merits of the internet over the demerits on relationships, many questions will come up- Has the internet destroyed basic human relations? Has it fostered it? I had a chat with a friend, Edu Prada, who carefully analysed the positive and negative impact of the internet on relationships.

As we all know, online communication like email and social media have greatly changed the way we communicate with friends and family, Edu Prada carefully lays a foundation for his analysis.

"It's a blessing and a curse; on the negative side, it has taken away basic human physical communication, I know people who can't even express themselves in person, and do not even bother to work on improving on it; after all, they have an easy way out (online communication). For me, the effect of the internet on relationships is a case of weighing plus against minus, and not a case of whether it's a plus or a minus and the truth be told, the negative impact far outweighs the positive impact."

"On the positive side, given the epileptic economy and financial power of the common man, it has reduced the sky high call expenses; one can say more for less now." Looking at its negative side again, it makes relationships more boring. Couples who chat continually get to say many things, but end up having nothing to talk about upon meeting physically, and this eventually creates spaces and dull moments, eventually ruining the relationships.

Edu says that back in the days, there were no worries with how many times you had to call your lady because the phone was inexistent and the web was nowhere. Both parties anticipated physical one-on-one meetings greatly, there was excitement and energy bursts because they had so much to talk about.

He cites another case; "Imagine when your lady wants to greet you in the morning on BBM or Whatsapp, she says 'gm' due to the online shorthand form of writing. But how can an adult greet another in such a manner? So, thanks to the web, basic morals and etiquette have been lost. This has become the norm and may cause ripples in a relationship."

"Have you not noticed that breakups occurring due to infidelity have increased since the arrival of the social network platforms Facebook and 2go in Nigeria? You can set your 2go or Badoo location to 'Lagos' while you are actually in 'Abuja', thus your girlfriend who schools in the University of Lagos may have her location set to Lagos State; so you would think she's in school whereas she's having some sexcapades somewhere in Nasarawa State."

When asked whether people who met online were more or less kind than when they met offline, here's what he had to say; "There's a difference between being polite and kind. For many, kindness comes after likeness. Most are rude when they meet you online…in Nigeria specifically." Edu says he has met a few ladies from the western world who tend to be polite unlike our Nigerian girls who mistake rudeness for 'standards'. They act all high and mighty, being rude along the way, so as to not look 'cheap', 'desperate' or 'low-class'.

He sees this as a case of inferiority complex and defensive mechanism, something to shield the complex and put up a façade of more high-class and confident appearance, whereas those who are truly high-class and knowledgeable are quite polite & kind towards strangers.

"In a social gathering of people with higher social status, IQ or information the ladies who fake high standards collapse like a house of cards. The internet & online communication masks a lot of deficiencies. Just as the confession box is … we can easily confess our sins, because the priest cannot see our faces. It's the same with online communication. Imagine if you had to confess your sins looking the priest eyeball to eyeball, many of us would cower and rather risk eternal damnation."

"People are more confident when they aren't looking others in the eyeball, take 'twit-fighting' for example, this is an easier mode of fighting, cue it face to face and many will cower. More people in relationships find it easier now to say 'I can't do this anymore' online and via instant messaging rather than face to face. The web has fostered a false belief, many women hear stories and see pictures of celebrity couples and think it's all uhuru for them, not knowing the real work those folks put in behind the scenes to keep their marriages standing. Thus, many breakups happen online on a daily basis because many expect it to be a walk-in-the park and refuse to try and fix issues, after all there are a thousand men waiting and craving their attention in their inbox or DMs and they think they have how a perfect relationship ought to look like all figured out".

In summary, save the financial and economic benefits, the internet has done more harm than good says Edu.

This is one person's opinion though, perhaps you think otherwise, do leave a comment below.

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Blaise Aboh is a Business/Startup Enthusiast, Creative Director and User Interphase Architect. His interests and skills include Graphic Design, Social Media, Painting, Poetic and Research Based Writing.

30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija