Alright, alright, ALRIGHT! I know it's not about gaming this week, but my God do I need to write about this. Disclaimer: I've never had a boyfriend, but here are some things that should be happening in relationships based on all the good and bad ones I've seen in my short nineteen years of living.
See, I live in a college dorm with a bunch of other girls. Actually, my school is mostly girls with about a 7:1 ratio, girls being the seven. Now, I know a few girls that have boyfriends, yet only one of them seems to be in a stable and good relationship. As an outside observer, I've now taken it upon myself to help the world in their struggle to find a suitable boyfriend/girlfriend or even a spouse(seriously, divorced couples seem to have the same problems).
Yes, I will use adorable anime pictures because I don't want to make real people mad.
1. Communication
I can't believe how may people don't understand this concept. This is probably the most important thing in a relationship, friends or lovers. Talking establishes trust, creates bonds, and often resolves a conflict. Also, arguing is acceptable in any relationship. As long as it doesn't get physically violent, arguing is actually a good way to figure out what's wrong in a relationship and how to fix it. True, some arguments can get heated and force a couple to reconsider, but the fact that people actively avoid such conflicts a leading problem in how relationships are ripped apart. There's a kind of stacking effect wherein people get more and more frustrated with saying anything until they can't take it any more and lash out. Also, take into mind communication doesn't need to be constant. Being silent is a welcome break for some couples from each other, and they often relax. However, if you know very little about a person because they don't communicate, you m ight want to reconsider your relationship choices. It can be incredibly uncomfortable when one person from the relationship finds another(preferably single) person and talks to them about it.
2. Attachment
Something that should always be remembered in a relationship: unless you are in a truly life threatening situation, this person is not your means of survival. People(especially college girls) become attached extremely quickly from what I've noticed. I blame the media for this one, portraying fast paced relationships as the right way to go instead of actually learning about the other person, but that's for another day. Anyway, I've had people near me after two weeks saying that they were in love with each other, which is absolutely frightening. Being in love implies that you know everything about that person, both positive and negative, and you still love them as a person and lover for all their faults. They also know as much as they can about you and accept you as well. Two weeks is not sufficient for this to be achieved. Instead, this an extremely desperate attempt for control most of the time, which often leads to a short lived and devastating re lationship. A healthy attachment takes a long time, which is why most couples I see say they've married their best friend because that's often what the spouse or significant other becomes. However, this attachment, while beautiful and powerful, isn't their whole life. They have a life outside of the relationship, whether that's friends and work, or conflicting hobbies with each other. Real love has the power to overcome these differences with an acceptance. This makes for a much happier relationship, also much easier for the single people around you.
3. Respect
Most relationships I've seen have at least a little bit of this, but sometimes there are definite respect problems. Some people have certain boundaries, like girls have purses(a bit of despair for most men, I've noticed). However, I've seen boyfriends digging through their girlfriends purses without their permission just to see what's in there. This can be uncomfortable because girls often have their wallets and cards in their purse along with other girly things that really shouldn't be made public. I've also seen couples where a person doesn't respect the fact that the other likes something they don't in what I call "Well that's stupid" argument. Please, respect each other in both space and body. It's the same situation as above with the single person being the mediator between the two, and it's never fun for any party involved. Acknowledge the fact that the two are different people, and each have their own quirks. One can be a total Bronie and th e other can be stubborn and afraid of commitment. However, it's important to not only be aware of this, but to also accept it. Getting into an argument over such things is not a sign of a good relationship.
That's all I've got. These three things are the most important and prevalent problems in the relationships of today that I've observed, at least. I'm not an expert, obviously, but I do observe problems and this should at least be taken into account. If you as readers have any other suggestions, leave them in the comments and I will see you next week.
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