February 2014 ~ The unveiling of a man the soul of a woman

Relationship advice: How can I get our sex life back?

Relationship advice: 'It's been four months seince we've had any intimacy' (Picture: neilwebb.net)

I'm 22 and my fiancé is 31. We have been together for four years and have a two-year-old daughter.

It's been four months since we have had any kind of intimacy, which he blames on our child, tiredness and low testosterone.

His doctor gave him Viagra, which didn't seem to help. He has asked me to 'get sexy' but there is no point as he doesn't last very long now anyway. I'm also shy when it comes to dressing up.

I'm at my breaking point – how can I get our sex life back?

Imagine starting a new relationship. 'But take away all the excitement and put in its place exhaustion, distraction and stress,' says James McConnachie.

'Replace every glamorous date with a brutal babysitting job and swap soft sheets for foul-smelling nappies.'

Still feel sexy? Of course not. Sex dives right to the dark blue depths when people have children. 'Changing how quickly you swim to the surface again is almost impossible but you can change how you feel about each other when you finally bob up blinking in the sun, which you eventually will,' he says.

The crucial thing is not to emerge as strangers to each other – you have to learn to love each other in your new roles as parents.

You're not the first woman to find her husband going off sex after childbirth, says Rupert Smith.

'Some men are so hung up on the concept of motherhood that the idea of having sex with one is too much. But I don't believe your fiancé needs Viagra – he needs to accept he's a father, you're a mother and the relationship needs sex to keep it going.'

That your fiancé has tried medication and there is still little happening suggests that you could use a psychosexual specialist – your GP can refer you to a service.

However, there is plenty you can be doing, says Dr Cecilia d'Felice. 'Your self-esteem seems to be tied up with whether you partner wants to have sex with you and then you use the excuse of shyness – an ego manoeuvre that leaves you looking like a victim but actually is a passive-aggressive tactic – to deny him. Then you blame him for there being no passion.'

It's not your partner's fault that you feel this way about yourself – if we want change, we must take responsibility ourselves. And if this insecurity manifests in your sex life, it will also be manifesting elsewhere.

'Your partner may feel overwhelmed by having to carry your insecurities as well as a little child,' she adds.

Intimacy doesn't always have to be about sex – it's about making our loved ones feel special, so ask a friend to babysit but have no expectation the evening will lead to sex. The more he sees that you understand he is tired and overwhelmed, the more he will respond. But you cannot expect your man to change while you refuse to yourself.

Your advice

@MichaelRogerz Put fun in the bedroom. Wear sexy lingerie. Tickle nether regions. Moreover, relax

@PollyRocksHove Try taking the pressure off sex: get the in-laws to b/sit o/night & get away together for a few drinks. Focus on having fun & if this leads…

@PollyRocksHove …anywhere sexually, put foreplay first. Time alone will bring you closer and remind you why you fell in love.

@JaimeMagaluf Treat yourself to a spa trip or holiday to rejuvenate yourself & get back some confidence. Then tackle it/him with fresh eyes

The experts
James McConnachie is the author of Sex (Rough Guides, £12.99).
Psychologist Dr Cecilia d'Felice is a relationship consultant for Match.com.
Rupert Smith's latest novel, Grim, is now available exclusively on Amazon (£13.99).

Next week

I am a married 26-year-old Sri Lankan man and I want to invite my older bisexual boss into my bedroom.

My wife and father-in-law are devout Christians and I have always adhered (begrudgingly) to their moral code but this has made me bored with my sex life.

How can I persuade my wife to be open to new experiences? I am worried I will be unfaithful if she doesn't agree.

Tweet your advice on next week's problem to @MetroUK #MetroComplicated

Email your relationship problems to features@ukmetro.co.uk, with 'advice' in the subject line

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

What Is Love? Celebrity Breakups That Broke Our Hearts (LIST)

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breakup2

Love: some of us have it, and some don't. While not all relationships are meant to last, some couples are just so darn cute together and their love radiates so strongly, we all become attached to their romance, and even feel somehow part of their story down to the bitter end.

Sadly, some of our favorite celebrity couples have split in recent years… and we're just not over it yet. Here's a list of our favorite celebrity couples who broke our hearts when they broke up.

kris jenner bruce jenner kissing red carpet

Kris & Bruce Jenner

Kris and Bruce were at the center of plenty media attention regarding the state of their marriage. Their reality show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, which televised their frequent spats, as well Bruce's highly discussed move to Malibu, kept the tabloids talking about a potential divorce until the couple released a statement regarding their relationship. Although the Jenner/Kardashian parents are not divorcing, and don't have any plans to, the couple has chosen to legally separate.

Balenciaga - Arrivals Paris Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2011

Miranda Kerr & Orlando Bloom

Orlando and Miranda seemed like they were a match made in beautiful people heaven! When the Victoria's Secret model and her Hollywood actor husband called it quits in October of last year after three years of marriage, everyone was shocked. They share a son together named Flynn, who was born in 2011.

liam hemsworth miley cyrus dating holding hands 2010

Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth

After all her twerking, we kind of figured things would soon turn sour, but we were still dreading it. This young couple was engaged to be married and had a few very significant years of dating on their resume. It seemed as if they were ready to go the distance, but they didn't quite make it.

Heidi Klum & Seal

Heidi and Seal were married for seven years, which felt like eternity in the celeb world. The couple had three children of their own, while Seal adopted one of Heidi's children while they were together. The model and musician seemed to have it all together for the public, until it was revealed that Heidi was seeing her bodyguard. Marital bliss ends there… I guess we can understand that.

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian

Khloe & Lamar

Who didn't enjoy watching this love story unfold? These two married after only 30 days of dating, but made it work for a solid three years after that. You could tell Lamar built a solid relationship with the entire Kardashian Klan, and Khloe even formulated solid relationships with Lamar's children, including attempts at connecting with Lamar's estranged father. We're sad to have to let this couple go, but happiness is around the corner for both of them.

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart

Twilight fans around the world suffered a bit of cardiac arrest after learning about the official split of Robert and Kristen. The couple had built a movie franchise about their characters' love, but the Twi-hards were much more interested in the real love that budded between them. After a paparazzo caught Kristen smooching with her director from a different film, the couple couldn't salvage their love. Sad story.

justin bieber selena gomez pda dating hugging 2012 music video

Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez

The drama between these two continues to boil over, so we can't really call it until the fat lady sings, but for now, it's dunzo. After a few years of dating, and both of these youngsters turning into complete superstars, so much has come between them. Justin has become known for his crazy antics as of late, and even after her Spring Breakers movie, Selena has a pretty clean image to keep up. Is it the end? Who knows, but we hope these two do what's best for themselves.

The European Premiere Of Arthur

Katy Perry & Russell Brand

These two were the cutest couple ever during their time together. But after a few months of marriage, they called it quits. Katy has always been very open about her relationship with Russell and how much he meant to her, but stated that their union was too intense, and she wasn't yet ready to have children. It would have been great to watch them grow together, but all good things come to an end.

Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore

No one believed that Ashton and Demi would make it as long as they did, but we had even higher hopes for them. We wanted these two to break the odds and stay together. Following a few public cheating scandals on Ashton's behalf, the two ended their marriage after six years together. Cougars everywhere wept. But we have to say, Ashton and Mila Kunis are a total consolation prize.

PHOTO CREDIT: Getty, Wenn, Splash

Did Luisa Zissman rig online vote to win reality TV best female personality prize? Apprentice star 'paid web company to send thousands of fake entries'

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Apprentice star won a National Reality TV Award in September last year
Beat rivals Millie Mackintosh, Leah Totton and Helen Flanagan
But sources from IT company seo77 say they used software to rig the vote
Firm allegedly spent three days bombarding voting site with fake entries
Miss Zissman has flatly denied attempting to influence the vote

By Kieran Corcoran

PUBLISHED: 06:06 EST, 25 February 2014 | UPDATED: 11:44 EST, 25 February 2014

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Apprentice star and Celebrity Big Brother runner-up Luisa Zissman rigged an online vote to win a popularity contest, it has been claimed.

Miss Zissman, 26, scooped the National Reality TV Award for Best Female Personality last year, beating rivals including Apprentice rival Leah Totton, former Made in Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh and I'm A Celebrity contestant Helen Flanagan.

But it has been claimed that she employed an IT company to bombard an online voting form with automatic submissions and ramp up her total.

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Victorious: Luisa Zissman, left, pictured in September holding her National Reality TV Award for Best Female Personality

Under fire: A worried-looking Miss Zissman was spotted out in central London today after the claims emerged

In total, 4.5million votes were submitted across all the categories of the online competition, which was followed by a star-studded awards ceremony in London.

She swapped messages with web firm seo77, who also ran a website for her, asking them to 'start the vote thing' ahead of the award, according to the Sun.

An account belonging to the company later replied saying: 'Gave you a little hand. Ran it for three days. Do you want the vote details?'

Miss Zissman later replies 'I won!!!! Will pay you in the morning.'

'Exchange': Miss Zissman exchanged the above messages with software firm seo77, according to the Sun. The left conversation took place before the awards and the right one afterwards, it is claimed (Not actual screen shots - images recreated using text from real messages exchanged)

Overjoyed: The star posed happily with her award after the ceremony, telling fans 'thank you all so much!!!!'

Rivals: Miss Zissman beat both Helen Flanagan, left, and Apprentice co-star Leah Totton, right, to win the prize

Topped: Former Made in Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh also lost out on the Best Female Personality prize

The alleged scam by seo77 involved setting up a 'bot' program, which would be capable of generating hundreds of bogus names and email addresses a minute.

The technology would potentially have been able to tip the vote in Miss Zissman's favour, though the organisers of the awards have claimed their security software would stop any attempts.

The reality TV star, who caused controversy with her steamy interactions with rapper Dappy while on appearing in Celebrity Big Brother, has well-established rivalries with the other award nominees.

The mother of one fought her way to the final round of The Apprentice against Leah Totton. But she lost out when Alan Sugar decided that her baking business was less worthy of investment that Miss Totton's proposal for cosmetic surgery clinics.

She has also clashed with former Coronation Street star and I'm a Celebrity contestant Helen Flanagan, particularly over their much-flaunted figures.

BEATEN BY THE BOTS - HOW COMPUTER PROGRAMS RIG VOTES

Internet experts have influenced high-profile polls in the past by employing 'bot' software.

The programs allow millions of automatically-generated entries to crowd out genuine votes and force a victory.

The online version of TIME magazine's Person of the Year award is a frequent target.

In 2009, a cult internet figure named Moot, who founded controversial message board 4Chan, topped the poll. He beat Gordon Brown and Barack Obama.

Likewise, North Korean dictator Kin Jong-un won the 2012 poll by a margin of more than 2million votes thanks to an army of fans employing bots.

While using such software is almost always against the rules of individual competitions, it is not illegal.

In a recent interview with ZOO magazine, Miss Zissman floated the idea of facing her rival in a 'boob-off' after both have appeared in a series of scantily-clad photosho ots.

She said: 'Apparently Helen Flanagan had the nerve to say that I'm not classy... Every time I see a picture of her, her t**s are out.'

'Don't get me wrong – I've got no problem with that – but mine are better than hers anyway. They're the best five grand I ever spent! Maybe we should have a boob-off.'

However, Miss Zissman flatly denied that any attempts to influence the vote were made. She angrily denied the claims on Twitter, and alleged that seo77 were vengeful after she stopped employing them to run the baking business for her IT company.

She later accused seo77 of making the allegations to get publicity, Tweeting: 'Does the fact this company are getting loads of publicity promoting themselves not tell anyone anything?constantly plugged at my expense!'

In a statement sent to MailOnline, seo77 appeared to confirm the bot scam, and say they are sure that it w orked.

A spokesman said: 'seo77 can confirm that on client instruction, we designed and implemented a bot system which was programmed to automate votes in favour of one particular nominee shortlisted for the NRTV Awards 2013.

'Although we are confident that the nominee would have won the award regardless, it is our firm belief that the program was effective and certainly assisted our client in their endeavours.'

The company also said it would normally keep such practices secret, and has launched an investigation into how the details emerged.

WHO SHE BEAT - LUISA'S RIVALS FOR BEST FEMALE PERSONALITY AWARD

Helen Flanagan (I'm a Celebrity…) Michelle Heaton (The Big Reunion – Liberty X)

Lucy Mecklenburgh (The Only Way Is Essex) Francine Lewis (Britain's Got Talent)

Leah Totton (The Apprentice) Millie Mackintosh (Made In Chelsea)

Lucy Watson (Made In Chelsea) Jessica Wright (The Only Way Is Essex)

Charlie Brooks (I'm a Celebrity…) Amy Bangle (Grilfri3nds)

Hayley Pearce (The Call Centre)

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'How Luisa Zissman paid internet boffins to rig online vote so she won reality TV best female personality prize: Web company created 'bot' to send thousands of fake entries'