Saturday, May 31, 2014

Sarah Palin and family’s long, complicated history with reality TV: A timeline

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(Sportsman Channel)

(Sportsman Channel)

For a family that has been vocal about disliking the media, the Palins sure have participated in a fair amount of TV shows. Continuing that tradition, Sarah Palin stars in "Amazing America with Sarah Palin," premiering Thursday night on the Sportsman Channel. The docu-series follows the former Alaska governor/vice presidential candidate around the country as she and a crew explore "people, places and pastimes connected to America's outdoor lifestyle."

This is just the latest in a long line of TV shows for the Palins — perhaps not unexpectedly, several have had their share of controversy attached. Here's a timeline of the most visible Palin family reality appearances over the years:

Fall 2010: Bristol Palin on "Dancing With the Stars" Season 11 (ABC)

Given that Sarah Palin was still very much in the spotlight after the 2008 presidential race — she had also joined as a contributor to Fox News Channel that year — it was big news when her daughter, Bristol, signed on for "Dancing With the Stars." It was even bigger news when conservative bloggers boasted of gaming the voting system, keeping Bristol in the competition despite her scoring lower than other dancers. (ABC claimed it was impossible to rig the votes; Bristol eventually placed third, losing to Jennifer Grey.)

(Adam Larkey/ABC)

(Adam Larkey/ABC)

That was only one of the bizarre stories of the season, including the question of whether people booed when Tom Bergeron interviewed Sarah Palin in the audience, who showed up every week to cheer on Bristol; later, a man in Vermont shot his TV in a fit of rage over Bristol's appearance on the dancing competition.

Winter 2010: "Sarah Palin's Alaska" (TLC)

In the middle of Bristol's "DWTS" journey, Sarah Palin's own self-titled show — produced by reality show king Mark Burnett — debuted with huge ratings for TLC. Those numbers dropped over time, as the show became more of an Alaskan travelogue than anything else. (Though screenwriter Aaron Sorkin did write a scathing editorial that went viral about the fact that she killed a caribou in one episode.)

Summer 2012: "Bristol Palin: Life's a Trip" (Lifetime)

Initially, the idea for a Bristol-themed show on the Bio Channel was this: Bristol would move into a house with Kyle Massey (they become good friends while on "DWTS") and his brother, and work at a small charity in Los Angeles. But that idea was scrapped — Massey reportedly didn't like the direction the show was heading, including when cameras captured a screaming match at a local bar, when a man yelled unflattering things about Bristol's mother. Anyway, the show eventually became only about Bristol's life in general raising Tripp, and moved over to Lifetime. The Massey family wound up suing the show's producers for stealing the idea. (They wound up settling for an undisclosed amount.)

Either way, the show wasn't long for the reality TV world. Lifetime yanked it out of primetime when ratings plummeted.

"Stars Earn Stripes" (Chris Haston/NBC)

"Stars Earn Stripes" (Chris Haston/NBC)

Summer 2012: Todd Palin on "Stars Earn Stripes" (NBC)

Also produced by Mark Burnett, the show paired celebrities (from Todd Palin to Dean Cain to Nick Lachey) with members of the military for physical challenges. Before it aired, journalists wondered why Todd would participate on the network that was home to "Saturday Night Live" — the show that constantly skewered his wife during her run for vice president — but he insisted he didn't mind.

"I was invited to participate in this competition to raise money for military-based charities, and that was the last thing in the back of my mind when I made the decision to be part of this event and to hang out with these military ops and these celebrity contestants" Todd said at the Summer TV Press Tour. "And to be able to shed a light on our guys that keep us safe and save lives and defend our freedom every day."

Fall 2012: Bristol Palin on "Dancing With the Stars: All Stars" Season 15 (ABC)

There was less of a fuss this time around when Bristol joined the show again for the "all stars" edition made up of the best — and most controversial — contestants throughout series history. Sarah Palin, Todd and Bristol's toddler son, Tripp, showed up to cheer in the audience, but this time there were no one-on-one interviews of the Palins. Meanwhile, Bristol only managed to last a few weeks her second time through the competition.

April 3, 2014: "Amazing America With Sarah Palin" (Sportsman Channel)

The channel wouldn't release any episodes in advance of the premiere, but from the trailer and preview clips, Palin appears to be the host as a group of outdoorsy people travel around to meet "risk takers and legacy makers." That includes profiling a woman who is the "modern day Annie Oakley," along with a visit to professional wrestler James Storm. The show crowns Palin the "First Lady of the Outdoors," and also sends her on her own adventures, including going dog sledding.

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Why We Need to Stop Celebrity Prom Dates

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We all know that the world of media is just an extension of high school. It's filled with the same cliques, backstabbing, and petty drama you'd expect from a group of overgrown teenagers. So maybe that explains why we've seen so many news stories about proms lately. Here's one today about teens spending thousands on prom dresses to look better on Instagram. Good get. You probably saw the one from earlier in the week in which a girl was sent home for inspiring "impure thoughts." The list goes on and on. Rihanna cyber-bullied a teen for her prom dress, teens held an NFL-style draft to pick prom dates, an Ohio teen took his great-grandmother to prom, a North Carolina teen was kicked out of her prom for wearing pants. And those are all just from the past week or two.

Granted, some stories about proms are of actual news value, like the sadly too-frequent ones about gay students being discriminated against by their schools, but by and large there's no reason for adults to be interested in any of this. It's a tawdry sort of clickbait that plays upon our ingrained titillation by anything remotely suggestive of teenage sexuality. Frankly, it's kind of pervy.

All of these stories pale in comparison, however, to the most ridiculous type of prom story, one which we've seen more and more of lately: A teen asking a celebrity to the prom. The latest comes from Massachusetts, where a 16 year old squired Jenny Dell, a long time NESN reporter and girlfriend of Red Sox star Will Middlebrooks, to his prom. Earlier this month a Texas boy brought a Houston Texans cheerleader to his prom after asking her if she'd go if he got 10,000 RT's on Twitter. Last year, a boy who was turned down by Kate Upton got a pretty good fallback date in model Nina Agdal. It works for young women as well, like this Philly teen who who got a surprise date from Shaun White for her prom. And last month a Pennsylvania student was infamously suspended for asking Miss America Nina Davuluri to his prom.

To which I say: Good. He should be suspended. It's time kids like this learned a lesson.

There are two reasons why this sort of behavior should be discouraged among students, and especially young men. First off, to put it bluntly, fellas, when you ask a celebrity to your prom, you look like a huge, hapless dork. I know it seems like you're the cool guy who managed to score a date with a model or an actress, but no one is actually thinking that. They are thinking that you couldn't get an actual date from one of your peers, and had to resort to a goofy social media prank to guilt someone into going with you. That's why these women have shown up. You realize that, right? It's not because they want to go on a date with an underage civilian, it's because they're worried they'll look bad in the public eye if they say no. You wouldn't want a pity date from someone your own age, right? So why make yourself look like a pathetic fool in a stunt like this, not only in front of your own school, but in front of the national media, who will inevitably cover the story? I know the he adlines will read like this:

Student Brings Celebrity to Prom

But the subtext is actually like this:

Dateless Loser Guilts Self-Promoter Into Standing Near Him for an Hour

And this part should not even need saying: They're not going to hook up with you.

Ever.

The second reason this sort of thing is troublesome may be a little more complex, but it's an idea worth exploring, especially for young men. Let's consider what the Massachusetts teen Cameron Stuart had to do to get Dell to go to his prom.

"I thought it was fantastic," Dell said about Cameron's relentless attempts to woo her over Twitter. "When you see someone that puts that much time and effort into something, you have to take the time and give him the benefit of the doubt," she said. "There's been people who have tweeted out here or there, 'Will you come to prom with me?' 'Would you be my date to this wedding?' but nothing like the effort that this man put in right here."

In other words, he wore down her defenses.

The message that these type of stories send to young men everywhere is that no matter how little a woman is interested in dating you, if you painstakingly erode her resistance, then eventually your efforts will pay off. It reinforces the idea that women are objects meant to be won, regardless of their level of interest in you.

Here's a lesson that many of you, being young boys and probably new to the world of courting and dating, probably don't fully understand yet: If a woman wants to go out with you, you will know it pretty early on. No amount of begging or pleading or goofy stunts, no number of RT's or likes on a Facebook post will magically convince someone to fall for you. The idea that you can get a date through force is exactly the type of thing women are talking about when it comes to our ingrained climate of gender disparity and even rape culture. That may sound extreme, but behavior like this is an early symptom of boys who will grow up into men who view women as some kind of entitlement, not as human equals.

It's not just the boys to blame here. All young boys are idiots, what do they know about the world? The rest of us who conspire to put a cute spin on these type of stories are to blame too. It's time we start calling them what they really are: evidence of young stalkers in training who get a pat on the back for pressuring women to submit to their will.

Update: It also just happened to Joe Biden. Jeez.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Via Esquire

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Friday, May 30, 2014

Threesomes, Oral Sex, & Other Sex Questions

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Sex_Advice_Stoya_May_1Photographed by Lauren Perlstein; Illustrated By Ly Ngo.
We love chatting with Stoya — writer, thinker, on-screen-sex haver — about all manner of sexual, sensual, and feminist topics. In fact, we had so much fun talking with her, we asked her to write a monthly sex and relationship advice column. Have a burning question? Send any and all queries to stoya@refinery29.com.

"Hi! I'm in my 40s, and my hormones are going BONKERS. I'm not in a relationship at the moment — and I am looking — but I find myself willingly jumping in the sack very quickly with gents that I'm interested in, just because of the simple fact that I'm incredibly horny all the time. Can you give me your honest opinion and advice about women who sleep with men rather quickly, and how that may affect a possible relationship? Obviously, I'm not having any luck!"

Here's the thing about men: Like women and gender-neutral people, they're all different. They all have different ideas of what they're looking for in a partner, they all have diff erent sexual tastes and intensities of sex drive, and they've all internalized ideas about gender-specific behavior appropriateness to varying degrees.

Personally, if someone decided against pursuing a relationship with me because of my sexual desires or behaviors, I'd consider it a sign of major incompatibility and be thankful that incompatibility was discovered early on.

Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who is likely to deem you unfit for dating because you had sex with him early on? If so, you should absolutely cool your jets and stay out of the sack. Definitely stay off the kitchen counter and away from brick walls, coat closets, and the insides of parked cars, as well. Maybe invest in a high-necked muumuu or something. I don't know. Millions of words have been written on the subject of catching the interest of these sorts of men by people more qualified in that arena than I am, and I suggest you go read some of them. Googling "How to land a man " turned up tons of results.

If sexual gratification with a partner — or finding a partner who can respect you as a sexual person — is more important to you, I suggest you start talking about sex early. Lay out your desires and ask them for theirs before anyone's clothes start coming off. Make sure you and your potential partner both know what you're looking for from each other. I have a feeling it'll speed up the process of finding Mr. Right-for-you or Right-for-the-next-30-minutes.

Sex_Advice_Stoya_May_2Photographed by Lauren Perlstein; Illustrated By Ly Ngo.
"I've been seeing this guy for almost a year now and seem to be very compatible with him. We have great sex, and I find there is a good balance of control in the bedroom, but I am a little disappointed in the oral department. I can't even begin to estimate how many times I've gone down on him (and don't get me wrong, I enjoy it) but I can't say the same about him exploring my nether-regions. The three times that he has attempted were while I was already down south on his body, ending us up in the good ol' 69, but it only lasted a brief amount of time.

He's never focused strictly on pleasuring me orally, and I have to say it's starting to bother me. I am aware that in any good relationship there must be honest and healthy communication, but in this circumstance, I'm not sure I want to actually bring it up. I want him to go down on me because he wants to, not because I brought it up and he feels obligated. I have tried small things to hint at it, such as shif ting his head toward my lady parts (in a very polite way, I swear) but he doesn't seem to get the clue. Please help me to figure out how to break through to him without coming right out and saying it."

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you're going to have to bring it up if you want it to change. If he doesn't just go ahead and put his mouth on your vagina and doesn't respond to subtle prompting or hints, it seems unlikely that anything other than direct discussion is going to get through to him. I only see three options here: Risk never receiving oral sex again, bring it up, or dump him without telling him why (because that would be bringing it up).

I'm not saying you should start with, "Hey dude, you need to go down on me." Or, "You owe me some sweet, sweet cunnilingus after all those blow jobs." Maybe start by asking him how he feels about licking vaginas. It's possible he had some kind of scarring experience with a clitoral piercing an d a chipped tooth before he met you, and it might have put him off the whole concept. Maybe he's been told in the past that he's horrible at it and avoids the activity to save himself the embarrassment of being told so again. It's also possible that it just never occurred to him that people with vaginas might be into cunnilingus. You can't start working on the problem until you know what the problem is, and the first step is bringing it up.

Sex_Advice_Stoya_May_3Photo: Mood Board/REX USA; Illustrated By Ly Ngo.
"I've been with my boyfriend for a few years, totally together forever, and we have a super-awesome, amazing sex life. He recently expressed interest in having a threesome. We've both talked about our 'ground rules' and our personal limits, and really, I'm all for it. But, now we're left with where to find someone to have a threesome WITH. I'm not terribly interested in going down on one of my BFFs, and the idea of a complete Craigslist stranger creeps me out to no end. So, where do I find someone in the middle? And, how do I go about asking one of our acquaintances to bed?"

I fully support your aversion to pulling a close friend into your first exploration of group sex. Feelings and sex can get messy, and the stakes are way higher when you stand the chance of losing a good friend.

Lots of male/female couples have the fantasy of group sex with another woman. Not so many bisexual women have the fantasy of sex with an established couple. Supply is much lower than the demand. There's an almost unavoidable sense of objectification that usually accompanies sex with an established couple. Consensual objectification can be fun, but the odds of finding a woman you both find attractive, who finds both of you attractive, and gets off on feeling like the living sex toy of an emotionally bonded pair are slim. Try to keep your guest's feelings and desires in mind and be respectful of them.

As for finding someone to have a threesome with, I'd suggest thinking about how you and your partner met, and how each of you met the last few people you had sex with or dated. Start looking in the same places. Hang out, meet people, and flirt with them. Both of you. Together. The same way you find one-on-one sexual partners. Just make sure to keep your expectations managed properly and try not to take any rejection personally.

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Love Essentially: Six real reasons why people are unattached

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There is no law that says you have to be in a relationship, but in my opinion, it's human nature to want to find love and monogamy.

I hear a lot of men and women say, "I'm not in a relationship because it's hard to meet people." They ask, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I find someone?" Or, they'll say, "I just have bad luck when it comes to relationships."

They might not realize that there could be an underlying reason they're not committed, one which has nothing to do with difficulty meeting someone or having fun.

Here are six REAL reasons people are unattached:

1. You've been hurt and are scared.

This is completely understandable. Let's say you've been bitten by a dog and ended up in the hospital with stitches. What's going to happen the next time you see that dog? You're probably not going to walk right up to the dog and start petting it. You're probably going to shudder and quickly turn the other way.

Relationships are no different. Being hurt is sometimes traumatic and it could take a long time before you're ready to look for love again. That said, at some point, you have to realize that not all dogs bite!

2. Timing.

You're at an uncertain place or don't feel settled in your life. Maybe you just got laid off from your job. Is this the time you are dying to fall in love? Probably not. Or, let's say you just accepted a position in Singapore. Chances are, you won't be getting into a serious relationship before you leave. Perhaps you just got divorced. You might want a little time to yourself.

All of these scenarios and lots more are perfectly acceptable reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship. There is the school of thought, however, that no one is ever "settled" in life, and that if we are waiting to be "settled" before getting into a relationship, we might be waiting forever.

3. You don't make an effort to meet single people. 

So many people complain about how difficult it is to meet other single people. While that might be true, I believe that you make your own opportunities. The chances of meeting someone are zero percent if you are sitting at home on your couch watching Shark Tank.

My point is, if you want to meet someone, don't pass up any opportunities. Say yes to every invitation you receive. I have a friend who met her husband at a wedding she desperately didn't want to attend. Her now husband was the date of another woman.

Summer is practically here. Outdoor concerts, outdoor dining, the lake front, biking paths, street festivals, golf courses, tennis courts, swimming pools – these are all great places to meet single people. Every time you walk outside your door, your chances of meeting someone go up.

4. You're not over your last relationship. 

Most people at one time or another have been heartbroken over a breakup. It's very difficult, and when you start dating, you might compare every person to the man or woman you thought was the one. What ends up happening? No one is good enough, and you find flaws in every single date.

The danger of this thinking is, years go by and you are still looking for something too perfect for it to really even exist. My suggestion is, learn to accept that the relationship is over for good, and that you might not have let yourself see the faults of the other person, and the problems and issues that ultimately ended what in your mind was the ultimate, perfect relationship. Only then will your heart open, allowing you to give love another chance.

5. You just don't want to be in one right now, and would rather focus on kids or career.

I have seen many men and women use their job or their children as an excuse for not being in a relationship. It's OK if you just don't want to be in a relationship, but admit that to yourself. Don't blame others causing you to be too busy, blame yourself.

Just admit it. By not wanting to be in a relationship, you're not doing anything wrong!

6. You don't have self-love. 

In my opinion, this is the number one reason people aren't in relationships. I believe it is impossible to be in a healthy romantic relationship if you don't love yourself. When a person lacks self-love, they lack self-worth, self-confidence, and happiness. They don't believe they are worthy of the love of another person, so it is seriously impossible to find it.

Obtaining self-love isn't difficult. It just takes good, ethical decisions, and the conscious choice to live a life you are proud to live. Are you a good parent? Are you doing what you love professionally (or trying to get there)? Are you proud of your career? Do you like the way you treat others? Do you value the way you live your life and the decisions you make?

If you can say yes to these, you have a better chance of finding love.

Next week's Love Essentially: Why marriage is so challenging, and tips to a better union.

Love Essentially is a relationship advice column for men and women covering a multitude of issues from first dates, sex, and falling in love, to marriage, break-ups and dating after divorce. If you have a relationship question you'd like to ask, reach out! Jackie@loveessentially.com. Twitter: @lovessentially

Tags: Love Essentially

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Thursday, May 29, 2014

Nahla Donna: True love versus Hollywood love (30 Days, 30 Voices)

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Nahla Donna: True love versus Hollywood love (30 Days, 30 Voices)

Posted in wpzoom 30 days, Lead Story, Y! Daily on May 29, 2014 8:44 pm / no comments

by Nahla Donna

aas

"Sentimentality can become part of what leads to authentic, selfless love for another person, but if we are not careful we can easily become enslaved to our emotions in ways that prevent us from being able to love others."

When boy meets girl, in addition to noticing her ''good looks,'' he also may find himself powerfully drawn to her femininity, her warm personality, her kindness or her feminine ''charm.'' Similarly, when girl meets boy, she not only may recognize that he is handsome, but also may find herself having strong feelings and admiration for his masculinity, his virtue, the way he carries himself or his masculine ''strength.''

Sentimentality can become part of what leads to authentic, selfless love for another person, but if we are not careful we can easily become enslaved to our emotions in ways that prevent us from being able to love others.

Real love, however, is very different from Hollywood love. Real love requires much effort. It is a virtue that involves sacrifice, responsibility and a total commitment to the other person. Hollywood love is an emotion. It's something that just happens to you. The focus is not on a commitment to another, but on what is happening inside you – the powerful, good feelings you experience when you're with this other person.

However, when we are carried away by our emotions, we end up avoiding a very important question that is crucial for the long-term stability of a relationship: the question of truth. We must first and foremost consider the truth about the other person and the truth about the quality of our relationship: ''What kind of character does this person really have?'' ''How strong is our relationship, really?''

We typically experience much instability in the emotional sphere, and many chaotic ups and downs – love and hate, hope and fear, joy and sadness – throughout our lives. Yet ironically, the modern view of love tells us to turn precisely to our feelings – to look right in the middle of this emotional roller coaster ride – to find an infallible measure of our love. No wonder there is so much confusion and instability in relationships today!

We should be asking ourselves, ''Does this person really have the qualities and virtues I'm so attracted to?'' '' Are we really as good a fit for one another as I feel we are?'' ''Is he or she truly worthy of all my trust?'' ''Is there a problem in our relationship that I'm overlooking?''

Especially at the beginning stages of a relationship, if we naively say we're not idealizing the other person at all, it's probably a sign of how far we have already drifted from reality.

Inevitably, this unchecked sentimentality will end in great disillusionment. When the real person comes to the surface – with all her faults and weaknesses – she cannot live up to the ideal. The lover will become quite disappointed in the beloved. The strong feelings will wane, and there will not be much left for the relationship to stand on.

These kind of relationships quickly fall into disillusionment, frustration and maybe even hatred as the beloved can no longer provide the powerful rush of good feelings that came from the ideal that was projected onto them. In summary, sentimentality can be a beautiful, enriching part of love, but it must be integrated with other essential ingredients, or risk becoming the very opposite of love.

———————————

Nahla Donna is a life coach who is passionate about personal growth. She blogs at www.nahladonna.wordpress.com

30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

You may also like YNaija stories like:

Sacked Air Nigeria staff promise showdown, owed 4-months pay
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Tags: 30 Days, 30 voices, Nahla Donna, Personal Growth, Real love, relationship advice

 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Lying: A Relationship Deal Breaker

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As we get older there are certain things we shouldn't tolerate in a relationship. Our lives are complicated enough; filled with careers, family, friends, our plates are full to overflowing. Add a new relationship to the mix and you have one more issue with which you have to deal. If the relationship is a good, solid one and you can get through the minor problems that seem to affect all partnerships, that make life easier.

But what happens when you find out that this new partner has lied to you? Should you stay with someone who has been less than truthful? It all depends on you as a person. How much are you willing to put up with and how much time are you willing to spend with a liar?

The key ingredient in any relationship is trust, especially as we grow older. Coupled with respect and love, trust gives you a strong basis as a couple. While trust is a bond, it is also a tenuous one, easily broken, if one of the partners constantly lies.

When we talk abou t lying, we're not including innocent white lies as in, "Did you close the outside lights?" We're talking about untruths that affect a relationship to the point where trust becomes simply a meaningless word. It no longer is an active part of being a couple. That breaks the strong bond of partnership.

Lies about fidelity and money are the two most common ones that affect couples. They make it almost impossible to have real trust ever again in a relationship. If your partner has cheated or if you feel that he or she will cheat again you have a trust issue. In addition to lying to you, he or she is making you constantly wait for "the other shoe to drop." You know the cheating is bound to occur again; you just don't know when and the suspense is literally killing you. Staying together is not an option for you. Life is too stressful.

"He's lied about cheating before and I just know he'll do it again. I absolutely cannot trust him. Once I caught him in a lie that changed every thing. I can't take him back no matter how charming he seems to be right now."

Lies about finances are also trust breakers. A fifty-something woman confided to me about what her new husband had done that constituted a complete marital trust breaker. In the glow and trust of a new marriage she had put his name on her checking account. There was over $200,000 in it, not a cent contributed by him. A week after coming home from her honeymoon she had gone to cash a check for two hundred dollars only to be told there were insufficient funds in her account. The account showed a balance of $150. Her new husband it seemed had used her money to pay off his heavy debts he had accumulated with his first wife, debts this wife knew nothing about! He had told her that he was debt-free when they were dating.

"We stayed married for another year but I was never comfortable with him again in regards to money. After I left he wanted to 'try again' but I was not willing to be with someone who was untrustworthy."

Then there are the sad lies we don't want to hear. Lies such as, "I didn't call because my cell phone died." Or, "Of course I was at work. Don't you trust me?"

Another "lying" problem is the person who consistently lies. The lies may seem innocuous and innocent but the reality is that this person feels lies are acceptable. He or she may lie about being late coming home or say they did something that you needed done but in reality didn't do it. No major lies about infidelity or money but a pattern is being established where lying becomes second nature to the truth.

Stop making excuses for the person who lies to you over and over again. That person is not going to change and you can't expect him or her to be truthful.

Relationships are made up of many components. People are willing to put up with various quirks in their partners simply to keep the relationship going. But if you are consistently made to feel uncomfortable or une asy because you feel as if you cannot trust your partner, then making the decision not to take him or her back is the logical one for you. Life needs quality and a certain sense of security. Being with a person you can't trust can only cause stress and emotional upheaval. You deserve a better way of living.

Read "Welcome to Hell" by Kristen Houghton
You may email Kristen Houghton at kch@kristenhoughton.com

© 2014 copyright Kristen Houghton

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    Who: Hillary Clinton (64) Why: The secretary of state is a pragmatic, classy diplomat with an incomparable work ethic. Since becoming secretary of state in 2009, Clinton has logged 351 days on the road, traveled to a record 102 countries and flown a whopping 843,839 miles. "I think that she is brilliant at connecting with people on a political level," former secretary of state Madeleine Albright told the New York Times. "No question, she knows how to do what I think is essential: putting herself in other people's shoes."

  • The Voice

    Who: María Elena Salinas (57) Why: For more than 25 years, Salinas has co-anchored the immensely popular "Noticiero Univision," earning her the title "The Voice of Hispanic America," according to The New York Times. It's a well-earned title considering that the Emmy winner provides news and analysis to millions of Hispanics in 19 countries through "Noticiero"; a prime-time newsmagazine show called "Aqui & Ahora" ("Here And Now"); and a syndicated newspaper column, writes the Center for American Progress. Salinas will receive a Lifetime Achievement award along with her co-anchor at this year's Emmys.

  • The 'Leading' Lady

    Who: Angela Merkel (58) Why: Time Magazine had this to say about the chancellor of Germany: She has "a spirit of compromise in the service of a genuine ambition -- and fed by a desire for openness." It's a spirit that we're sure the chancellor -- one of the few women to hold high office in the world -- will tap into as she sees Germany and the EU through the current economic crisis.

  • The Pioneer

    Who: Jill Abramson (58) Why: Jill Abramson is the first female editor of the New York Times in the newspaper's 160-year history. The Harvard grad and longtime journalist and author has said she grew up worshipping the Times ("The New York Times was our religion," she told the New Yorker) and has proclaimed her dedication to her hometown with a subway token tattoo on her right shoulder. Abramson is revolutionizing the way women are viewed in media and publishing.

  • The Helper

    Who: Condoleezza Rice (57) Why: The former secretary of state and national security advisor did not forget the importance of strong educational roots. After her time concluded at the White House, Rice returned to Stanford as a Political Economy Professor in the Graduate School of Business. But Washington hasn't forgotten about Rice -- her name is being thrown in the ring as a serious vice president pick in Republican candidate Mitt Romney's 2012 election run.

  • The Feminist

    Who: Gloria Steinem (78) Why: As the leader of the women's liberation movement, Steinem has been at this for a while -- and she's not backing down. She co-founded the Women's Media Center, the Coalition of Labor Union Women and Ms. Magazine. She is writing a book about her activism, with the working title of "Road to the Heart: America As if Everyone Mattered."

  • The Executive

    Who: Meg Whitman (55) Why: It's very manly at the top when it comes to C-suite positions at Fortune 500 companies. But this year saw a record breaking 18 women hold top positions -- and Whitman is CEO of one of tech's largest companies: Hewlett-Packard. The former eBay head has made a number of strategic positions to put the world's largest computer manufacturer back on top, Barron's reports.

  • The Inside Woman

    Who: Valerie Jarrett (55) Why: Besides First Lady O herself, we doubt there's few closer to the president than senior advisor Jarrett. Jarrett wore many hats (businesswoman, lawyer, public policy expert) in Chicago before following the Obamas to D.C., but it's her role as the President's trusted friend that makes her an invaluable member of his staff. "Valerie is one of my oldest friends," the president told The New York Times. "Over time, I think our relationship evolved to the point where she's like a sibling to me... I trust her completely."

  • The Connector

    Who: Pat Mitchell (69) Why: Fast Company put Mitchell in its "League of Extraordinary Women" lineup, and it's easy to see why. As CEO and president of the Paley Center for Media, she's interviewed a number of female media influencers in her series "She's Making Media" and "is now a key connector of high-profile activists from Eve Einsler to...Jennifer Buffett," according to Fast Company.

  • The CEO

    Who: Indra Nooyi (56) Why: In today's global economy, being powerful means keeping an eye on investments here and abroad. But we don't have to tell that to Indra Nooyi. The chairman and chief executive officer of PepsiCo is shepherding the food and beverage company through its continued expansion in China, where PepsiCo just opened its sixth food plant in the country.

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Where Should Kevin Love Steer Next Step of His Career?

5:15 AM No comments

Minnesota Timberwolves forward Kevin Love is in the drivers' seat. Yes, it's true that Minnesota doesn't have to trade him, as they can cling on to the hope that a playoff appearance next season would be enough to convince him to stay.

Ultimately, though, Love can choose his own path, even if he makes trade requests that go unanswered. In the 2015 offseason, Love will be able to opt out of his current deal, making him an unrestricted free agent.

Here's Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports with more:

Beyond the coaching search, the Wolves are under pressure to start considering trade scenarios for Love, who's anxious to exercise his Early Termination Option (ETO) in the summer of 2015 and leave as a free agent, league sources said.

"For the first time, [Saunders] sounds like looking at deals for [Love] is an option," one rival executive told Yahoo Sports.

The Boston Celtics, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers and Phoenix Suns are among many teams determined to make hard runs at trades for Love, league sources said.

If Love decides he doesn't want to follow the same path Kevin Garnett did in Minnesota, playing around mediocre talent and never truly contending for a title, then we could see him leaving sooner rather than later.

But where should he go? Let's take a look at some of the oft-rumored contenders and break down his options.

Bart Young/Getty Images

Chicago Bulls

The Bulls have been linked to Carmelo Anthony quite a bit, but what if they decide to go after Kevin Love instead? Chicago could be an interesting trade partner, as Carlos Boozer's massive $16.8 million expiring deal could allow Minnesota to dump some unsavory contracts in a Love trade. The Wolves could also obtain a very solid two-way forward to replace Love in Taj Gibson, who is on contract through the 2016-17 season.

Other than Gibson, Jimmy Butler and maybe Tony Snell, the Bulls lack too many enticing players to make a Love trade. However, the Bulls do have the 16th and 19th pick in this year's deep draft and a future first-round pick from the Sacramento Kings (top-10 protected through 2017) to dangle, as well as the rights to foreign big man Nikola Mirotic.  

The Bulls would have a tough time carving out cap space in 2015 to sign Love outright, but they're an interesting trade partner.

The major issue here, however, is that the Bulls wouldn't have enough left to compete for a title after acquiring Love via trade. This is a team with a weak bench, relying heavily on Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah in the future, two players that have had plenty of injury troubles. You also never know when head coach Tom Thibodeau's relationship is going to turn sour with Chicago's front office.

The ceiling here is unquestionably a championship team, but it's not all that hard to envision the Bulls losing some crucial components to their roster. It's a little scary for anyone to tie their future to Rose's health at this point.

Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

Golden State Warriors

The Golden State Warriors have some intriguing young players to offer Minnesota in a trade in Harrison Barnes, Draymond Green and Klay Thompson. That's certainly a good starting point, even though Minnesota would almost certainly have to take back David Lee's undesirable long-term deal in the process.

What's more troubling is that Golden State won't have any draft picks to offer up. The Warriors won't have a first-round pick to deal until 2019 thanks to last year's acquisition of Andre Iguodala, which in and of itself might be enough to keep Minnesota away from serious trade talks.

Without making major changes in advance of the 2015 offseason, the Warriors won't have cap space to sign Love outright, either.

It's a shame, because it's easy to see how well Love would fit in. Think about the three-point duo Love would make with Stephen Curry, or the great outlet passes to a streaking Iguodala, or the rebounding he could provide next to Andrew Bogut, who would protect him at the rim.

This is a fantastic option for Love, but Golden State likely has to dump Lee for an expiring contract this year for it to become more feasible. Are they willing to do that with no guarantees Love will come?

Andrew D. Bernstein/Getty Images

Los Angeles Lakers

The Lakers are probably mentioned the most next to Love, primarily because he played his college ball at UCLA and he has family ties to Los Angeles.

But how appealing is the roster Love would be joining? Here's what Love told GQ.com last year when asked if he was leaving Minnesota:

People think it's so far-fetched that I would stay in Minnesota. And I'm not [redacted] on the Lakers, but we have the better team, the better foundation. I'm having fun.

While it's dangerous to read too much into that, Love is probably right. The Lakers, as it is right now, are working with a pretty clean slate. Kobe Bryant shouldn't have a whole lot left in the tank, but he'll be taking up all of the cap space that could have made L.A. a "superstar destination" in 2015. Love can come, for certain, but who else can?

It all depends on what Love wants. If he desires a franchise for his own one day, then the Lakers should be near the top of the list. It's a great place to live, a top media market, and he'll be adored there.

But if Love wants to win? It's hard to say the Lakers are anywhere near the top of the list, even when you consider their great history. For now, there are vastly superior options for Love to explore. 

New York Knicks

Could Love co-exist with Carmelo Anthony if he does re-sign? And would Love consider the Knicks in 2015 free agency if he doesn't?

It's hard to say, but either way there should be more competitive teams for Love to choose from. While there's something to be said about living and playing in New York, there are better fits elsewhere that would accentuate Love's talent better than Anthony would. 

Ownership should play a role here as well. While the presence of Phil Jackson is a plus, James Dolan still presides over the franchise and might be prone to some franchise-killing mistakes.

It should also be noted that the Knicks currently don't have a worthwhile point guard, which should be one of the first things any big man looks at. With Anthony demanding so many touches, often from the same spaces Love gets his. It's just hard to see the basketball appeal, even if the bright lights are something Love desires.

Rocky Widner/Getty Images

Sacramento Kings

Here's Marc J. Spears of Yahoo! Sports explaining why Sacramento would even be considered:

The Sacramento Kings have let the Minnesota Timberwolves know they are interested in trading for All-Star forward Kevin Love – and the Kings would make a deal without any assurance from Love he'd re-sign with them, a league source told Yahoo Sports.

Does Love really want out all that badly?

A lateral movement in advance of free agency doesn't make much sense for Love, but if the Kings are offering the best assets, he might not have much of a choice other than to try and scare Sacramento away by saying he won't re-sign.

The Kings have been even worse than the Wolves over the last few seasons, and despite the presence of a new ownership willing to open up the checkbook, there's not a whole lot to like here.

Sacramento is a far cry from big media markets like Chicago and Los Angeles, and Love and DeMarcus Cousins wouldn't offer each other the help each needs on the defensive side of the floor, even if they'd be explosive offensively.

Love probably holds too many cards for Sacramento to be a real option.

Brian Babineau/Getty Images

Boston Celtics

Barring any big moves, the Celtics should have max cap space in 2015, regardless of whether Rajon Rondo decides to come back or not. That alone puts them in the conversation for Love, but unlike a few other teams being mentioned, the Celtics also have assets at their disposal to build a contender.

Because the Celtics have stockpiled so many first-round draft picks for the future, it's not hard to envision a scenario where Love can join a team led by Rondo and another superstar that could be acquired via trade. This could be the site of the next "Big Three" fairly easily.

If Minnesota is looking for a fresh start in a Love trade, Boston is probably the best option with all those picks via Brooklyn and the sixth pick in this year's draft. 

With a solid young coach in Brad Stevens, one of the league's best distributors and a big market with plenty of basketball tradition, Boston could be an excellent option for Love so long as general manager Danny Ainge uses his assets wisely to nab another star. Rondo alone probably isn't going to be enough.

Ned Dishman/Getty Images

Washington Wizards

How much stock can we put into Washington's performance this postseason? For years prior, the Wizards had been one of the most poorly operated franchises in professional sports, bumbling draft picks left and right and failing to develop young players.

Things appear to be better now, at least on the surface, and the talented backcourt of John Wall and Bradley Beal can't be denied. Love could form quite the trio with those two, although it's hard to say what Washington would really be able to offer Minnesota in terms of player assets.

The Wolves shouldn't be interested in sign-and-trade guys like Trevor Ariza or Marcin Gortat, and the long-term salary of injury-prone big man Nene is far too scary to take on. Otto Porter Jr. could turn into a player, but we didn't see any signs of that this year.

That's sort of the problem. For the Wizards to have cap space in 2015, they won't be able to re-sign Gortat and Ariza to long-term deals. But for the Wizards to make the playoffs again, they'll almost certainly need both of those guys. This is an intriguing option, but it's hard to find a good trade match and there are red flags in the front office for Love to consider. 

San Antonio Spurs

It's rare to hear the Spurs mentioned in the free-agent frenzy, as Ethan Sherwood Strauss of ESPN.com explains here:

So, the Spurs could use a guy like Love, and a guy like Love could use a team like the Spurs. But with some rare exceptions, you don't see the Spurs thrown into this mix. 

Perhaps it's a sign of respect that the Spurs aren't invited to free-agent hypefests. They've succeeded for so long without playing this game. As other teams flock to the reality TV spectacle of wooing the latest available star, the Spurs quietly build on the "corporate knowledge" amassed by incumbent stars. When they head hunt, they're looking for bargains, not big names. In 2012, Boris Diaw was cut by arguably the worst team of all time. Soon after, the Spurs looked past the belly folds and found gold in his perceptive play.

It's an interesting dynamic, as the Spurs are widely praised as the best organization in sports but are rarely mentioned as a landing spot for big free agents. You have to consider, however, that if the Spurs win the title this year or next, a bunch of cap room could open up. Tim Duncan should be retiring soon, and the same could be said for Manu Ginobili. 

It seems unlikely that the Spurs would make a trade play for Love, but joining Tony Parker, Kawhi Leonard and this organization in 2015 could be one of the very best options for him to explore. San Antonio isn't the glamorous destination, but if Love wants to win titles above all else, San Antonio might be the place to be.

Phoenix Suns

As far as Minnesota is concerned, there might not be a better trading partner than the Phoenix Suns. This is a team with multiple selections in this year's draft, plenty of valuable young players on rookie deals, cap space, expiring deals and future picks to offer up.

The question is, would Love be willing to sign long-term with Phoenix? The backcourt of Goran Dragic and Eric Bledsoe should be one of the league's best for years to come, and the depth provided by guys like Gerald Green and the Morris twins is a nice benefit as well.

The problem, of course, might be that Love won't view this as much of an upgrade. Phoenix missed the playoffs this past season as well, and Dragic and Bledsoe, while talented, might not carry the "name" value a few other teams can offer.

Strictly from an on-court perspective, however, Phoenix's style meshes with what Love does extremely well. This is a team that wants to run and spread the floor, and it's easy to see Love being spoon-fed open three-point attempts because of the penetration ability of this backcourt. Jeff Hornacek looks like a great young coach, and Ryan McDonough has been pitching a perfect game since he took over as general manager.

There are some risks in attaching yourself to a young team on the rise as opposed to an established contender, but Phoenix should be a top option both now and in 2015 if Love sticks around this year.

Houston Rockets

In my opinion, the Houston Rockets are the primary team Love should be angling to join if he wants to leave Minnesota. 

It's not hard to see all the advantages. James Harden is one of the best offensive players in basketball. Dwight Howard is the rim-protecting, defensive-minded center Love needs to be paired with. Houston has all of their future first-round picks, and a general manager in Daryl Morey that knows how to use them. The Rockets play a style that fits Love's abilities, as they want to run and shoot threes.

There's no state tax in Texas, which means Love can earn more in Houston than he can elsewhere. This is a young team with stars in or near their primes, alongside valuable role players (Patrick Beverley, Chandler Parsons, Terrence Jones) that are on cheap deals for the time being.

There are plenty of assets to trade right now, and once Omer Asik and Jeremy Lin's deals expire, the Rockets could have max cap space, depending on what happens with Parsons.

While there may be some concerns about getting less touches, Love can provide the spacing and passing at the 4 that will unlock Howard's post play and give Harden lanes to drive. This would be the league's best offense fairly easily, even if defensively the team would need some help at the other spots.

Maybe this isn't a factor, but no one outside of Minnesota could really blame Love for joining a top-notch organization like Houston that would be ready to compete for titles for years to come. In comparison to New York and Los Angeles, Houston is light years ahead when it comes to contending.

Unlike some of the other teams, this is both a logical and feasible landing spot for Love, whether it's via trade or free-agent signing. No team has more "pros" and less "cons" than Houston does. 

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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Real Life Love: When His Mother Left Him With Unmet Needs

5:15 PM No comments

unmet needs

The phrase "mommy issues" doesn't acknowledge the pain involved. Heather Gray knows this and speaks directly to couples affected.

____

When we hear of a young boy who has been neglected by his mother, our hearts go out to him. Our instincts are to nurture and protect him. We might hear that his mother has a problem with alcohol or drugs and we'll want to save him from witnessing such things. We might find out that this young boy sees men going in and out of his mother's life like a revolving door and we'll wish him stability. Perhaps his mother struggles emotionally. Maybe she's emotionally abusive and withholding of affection. We'll want to swoop in and give that boy all of the love, affection, and security his heart can hold. We might just learn that his mother is well-intentioned but limited in what she can provide her son.

Suddenly he is being labeled as having "mommy issues" and popular magazine articles tell us he is someone to be avoided when picking a mate.

We so clearly see what this boy needs and our instincts often are to rush in and fill those unmet needs. Then, this young boy grows up and becomes a man and sadly, our perception of him changes. Suddenly he is being labeled as having "mommy issues" and popular magazine articles tell us he is someone to be avoided when picking a mate.

♦◊♦

He starts dating and enters relationships. That initial period of dating is perfect for him. Getting to know someone. Connecting. That honeymoon period of falling in love fills him and he starts to feel complete. He's giving and receiving attention. He's receiving physical attention and receiving compliments. These things comfort him as they becomes messages that he is worthy and deserving of love. His needs are getting met.

It makes sense that a boy who grows up with inconsistent attention or affection from his mother will believe that love isn't something that is constant.

Then, regular every day starts to settle in and the lives of this man and new partner become busy. His new love might want to start reconnecting with friends or doing activities separate of the relationship.

This is, of course, to be expected but for this man, he feels the loss more significantly. He feels a ping of low-level anxiety that there's about to be a change in the relationship. He might become more hyper-vigilant as fears of abandonment get stirred. His partner may not have made a single change and may feel the very same way as he/she did in the beginning. His anxiety will confuse the partner. His attention to time apart may almost feel accusatory and if he begins to withhold his own affection in defense, it is easy for a rift to begin. It makes sense that a boy who grows up with inconsistent attention or affection from his mother will believe that love isn't something that is constant. He'll be sensitive to changes in the relationship. He may struggle with how he sees himself and need more external validation from his partner.

♦◊♦

Initially, dating this man can feel very fulfilling. It feels good meeting someone's needs. Helping someone feel worthy and deserving of love can almost be intoxicating for some.

If you're a man who's been impacted by his relationship with his mother, you are not damaged. You're not broken…

Over time, though, it can be exhausting, draining, and frustrating. Providing constant validation and reassurance can become burdensome and can build resentment. Conflicts can ensue with little provocation. There's no need to write these relationships off. After all, we all bring our own issues and histories to the relationships we enter and trivializing tough childhood experiences as having "mommy issues" doesn't solve the problem. If it weren't this set of problems, it would just be another. Partners just need to be aware of the issues and talk about them.

♦◊♦

If you're a man who's been impacted by his relationship with his mother, you are not damaged. You're not broken and you're more than capable of giving and receiving love in a healthy way. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your past. The temptation and cultural expectation is to leave the past behind you. However, acknowledging your struggle is the key to getting your needs met.

I know this is a strange and scary concept. You very likely survived your childhood by denying your needs and I am sure that speaking up or out came with its own set of emotional consequences. However, believing that love and relationships can be different in your adult life is essential to having a happier and healthier adult relationship.

You're going to have to pay attention to who you pick for a partner. Sometimes, we tend to find partners who mimic our parents because those behaviors and tendencies feel familiar to us.

Yes, time with your love will feel precious and it might seem like the enemy that keeps you from your partner. In moments of trepidation, tune in to the behavior of your partner. Listen to what you hear and pay attention to moments of connection. Your fear may tell you that distance is being created but if you shift your lens, you'll see that that feeling is just that you're missing your love and that is normal and natural.

You're going to have to pay attention to who you pick for a partner. Sometimes, we tend to find partners who mimic our parents because those behaviors and tendencies feel familiar to us.  While you will need to check your own sensitivity to criticism, you are also going to have to make sure you haven't picked someone who is belittling, demeaning, or disrespectful.  Telling the difference between the person and your insecurity might be challenging but it's important to do this work. You don't want to find out you are repeating your past in your adult life.

♦◊♦

Life has its ebbs and flows and adjusting to changes in plans and schedules isn't easy. It can feel threatening at times. Consistency will be important to you and this is something that you'll have to ask for and look for in a partner. You're going to have to share your worries and insecurities with your partner so they can be tended to. You'll also need to learn ways of calming yourself when small shifts in time and attention feel problematic. You might need your partner to give you reassurance and notice when schedules change. This is something you'll have to ask for. It's not fair to silently hold the expectation and then create conflict when the need isn't met.

Your survival strategy in childhood will become your enemy in adult relationships.

You'll have two major challenges. One is believing that you are worthy of receiving healthy, respectful love. Accepting this about yourself will allow you to stop testing and challenging it when it's in front of you. Those behaviors alienate you from your love and push the most important person to you further away, rather than pulling them close. You run the risk of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy when you do things like that.

Secondly, your survival strategy in childhood will become your enemy in adult relationships. You navigated your world when you were younger by monitoring your external environment and being aware of potential changes. This behavior in adult relationships will feel controlling and stifling for your partner and will create tension. Learning to talk about your worries and insecurities is crucial. It will set your mind at ease and build connection instead of creating disconnects.

♦◊♦

If he's not participating in the process, you'll just be managing him and will find yourself in a permanent caretaking position.

Partners, if you love this man, you already know how special he is. You know that he brings more to the table than his past and that while his past has hurt him, it has also helped him be aware of things that other men might not be. Yet, its impact on him can still feel overwhelming. It might, at times, feel like he is a bottomless well and no matter how much love and attention you give him, it will never be enough. You might feel controlled. It'll be important for you to understand the dynamics that are at play. You'll have to gain an understanding of why he is acting the way he is and learn about his history. It's crucial that this comes from him. If he's not participating in the process, you'll just be managing him and will find yourself in a permanent caretaking position.  You'll need to see that he's doing his own work.

♦◊♦

It'll be important that you be aware and communicate your intent with him. You'll have to handle changes to schedule with sensitivity. It does not, however, mean that you must lose yourself in an attempt to meet his needs and soothe every insecurity. If you think you're being tested or challenged, say so.  Sometimes partners work really hard to "pass tests" thinking that doing so is reassuring.  In the end, you'll just end up feeling manipulated and playing the game will grow tiresome.  Your guy will need to learn to ask for his needs to be met and if he can't, he may not be ready for a relationship with you. Verbal and physical validation will be important but so will boundary setting. Communicating what you are and are not willing to do is important. It's not your job to fill his empty spaces. You have to, of course, be aware that they are there but you exist in this relationship, too. If you get in the habit of ignoring your own needs out of sympathy, it just won't work.

♦◊♦

You both need to be mindful that love is sometimes scary for one or both of you and that love needs to be carefully kept with healthy communication, boundaries, and self-regulating. There are so many other relationship dynamics that can play out because of limited parenting by either partner's mother or father. While I try to avoid stereotypes and generalities whenever possible, gender of both the child and parent does play a role in how we respond to relational dynamics in our adult lives. Each dynamic has its own needs, tendencies, and patterns. Recognizing and accepting that our ability to relate as adults is sometimes informed by how we were parented will help us gain control over our relationships. We have the power to make the relationships what we need and want but only with communication, negotiation, and sensitivity to the stories we carry.

♦◊♦

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From Beyoncé and Jay Z to Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher—See All the Celeb Couples Who Dress Alike!

5:15 AM No comments

by JJ Moore Thu., May. 15, 2014 4:03 PM PDT

Beyonce, Jay-Z, Mila Kunis, Ashton Kutcher, Prince William, Kate MiddletonAbaca/AKM-GSI; PacificCoastNews.com; Fame Pictures

What is the secret to lasting love between celebrity couples? Shared priorities? Shared interests? Or is it just shared clothes?

They say couples morph into the same person over the years, which appears to be the case for these look-alike A-listers. It's one thing to step out looking like a complete set, but for some of these duos, there's way too much of a twin thing going on!

VIDEO: Check out the new celebrity couple that everyone is buzzing about! George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin!

Prince William and Kate Middleton both go royal in deep purple, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are strolling in matching polos, and then there are the two tux twins: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.

At some point the cute-factor just gets creepy! Click the images below to see which of our set falls into that category...

PHOTOS: Check out all our favorite co-dressing co-dependent couples!

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