Day 1
Make Time for Monday Night Football
Why It'll Work: The problem isn't always that you're seeing too little of each other. Sometimes you're seeing too much. Newlyweds, in particular, tend to sacrifice time with friends most often in the first year of marriage—and you can feel the ripple effects everywhere. A recent study found that people who identified their spouses as their closest confidants increased by 20 percent over the past two decades, while the number of total confidants decreased by half. That means we're more dependent than ever on our significant others.
Why is that bad? Variety and camaraderie are vital components of our long-term health. Research has shown that men who hang out in large groups, for example, actually handle stress better, and even do a better job of warding off sickness during cold and flu season. Some measure of independence, however, is key: Among other things, men who shared close f riends and confidants with their wives were up to 97 percent more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, according to researchers at Cornell and the University of Chicago.
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Next »Day 2
Do the Dishes
Why It'll Work: You can daydream about your lady as a French maid, but don't treat her like one. A George Mason University study found that husbands help out around the house even less than live-in boyfriends. In fact, a husband creates an extra seven hours a week of housework for his wife, on average, according to a University of Michigan study. On the flip side, a wife saves men from about an hour of housework a week. That's one reason why a man's willingness to do housework is a major predictor of marital bliss, according to a Pew survey of 1,128 women. Keep her happy by helping out with the daily chores. When she goes to grab the dishrag after dinner, give her a hand. Or hire a real maid to do the dirty work.
Next »Day 3
Help Her Snooze
Why It'll Work: Women are grumpier than men in the morning, according to the Sleep Council. You, on the other hand, might be more pleasant because you're better rested: Nearly twice as many men as women reported getting a good night's sleep regularly. If your wife has trouble dozing off tonight, tomorrow could be a nightmare for both of you. A recent study showed that the longer it takes for your wife to fall asleep at night, the more negative your interactions will be the following day. On the other hand, how well a man slept had no affect on his relationship. Tonight, encourage her to escape to the bedroom early while you get the kids ready for bed or finish up the chores. You won't regret it in the morning.
Next »Day 4
Stop Dreaming About Alternatives
Why It'll Work: If you're always wondering just how much happier you'd be with a wife who "didn't act like that" or who really understood you, stop focusing on alternatives. "Constantly visualizing ideal spouses makes you less happy because it creates more potential for unproductive desire or regret," says marriage therapist Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., author of The Marriage Makeover. While occasional communication about the issues that bother you is important, Coleman recommends frequently communicating what you think is great about her, rather than constantly trying to smooth out the tics that annoy you. Tell her, for instance, that she did a great job painting the living room instead of saying, "That turned out well." That way she'll know that it's her you're impressed with, not chance.
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Next »Day 5
Prep Dinner
Why It'll Work: Like her husband, a career-oriented woman finds satisfaction in contributing financially to the relationship. Unlike her mate, though, the pressure's often on her to get home and start cooking, leaving her less time to prove herself at work. A Cornell University study found that women's careers suffer when their husbands work overtime. In fact, wives are 42 percent more likely to quit their jobs when their significant others spend 60-plus hours a week at the office. Do you have to worry about your career suffering if your wife works longer hours? Nope. Conversely, a wife who works late doesn't affect a man's likelihood of quitting, the study revealed.
Next »Day 6
Be More Attentive
Why It'll Work: Forget the chocolate-covered strawberries and scented candles. Want to be more romantic? Utter these five words to make her melt: "Tell me about your day." Talking to your wife—about work, family, the news—is an even better aphrodisiac. A University of Virginia study found that wives care most about how affectionate and understanding their husbands are. Spending quality time together and discussing things she likes creates a bond your wife equates with romance.
Next »Day 7
Unplug
Why It'll Work: If you spend more time gazing at your iPhone than into your mate's eyes, it could be causing problems in your relationship. In a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers reviewed cell phone usage of more than 1,300 couples for 2 years and found that relationship and family happiness both decreases as cell phone usage increases. Power down tonight, and listen up.
Next »Day 8
Unwind Together
Why It'll Work: People in bad marriages are more than twice as likely to report stress at work as those who are happily wed, according to a British study. Stress, in turn, has been linked to a higher risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, and many other health problems. Unhappy spouses also showed higher diastolic blood plessure. On the other hand, a supportive partner decreased stress. What's one way to show more support? Drop her a brief note or make a quick phone call during the workday to see how things are going. Even if she's stressed out, the show of support will help her regain some equilibrium.
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Next »Day 9
Compliment Her Privately
Why It'll Work: The more a compliment is tailored to that specific woman, the more intimate and effective it is. "Use sensory words, like, 'Your breasts are so soft,' 'I love the way you smell,' 'I love the sound of your voice,'" says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want. "The more detailed your praise, the more personal it is to her—it shows her that you derive pleasure from her body, not just from any naked body."
Next »Day 10
Compliment Her Publicly
Why It'll Work: "If a woman's body image is low, she'll feel less passionate and sexual," says Patricia Love, Ed.D., the coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. But here's the key: Do it in public. "It'll emphasize your commitment, making her feel more secure and ultimately improving her body image," Love says.
Next »Day 11
Reconsider the Lexus
Why It'll Work: Your climb to the top of the social ladder might be taking a toll on your relationship. Couples that highly value money and possessions are less satisfied with their marriage compared to couples where at least one person wasn't materialistic, according to a survey of more than 1,800 couples in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy. Meanwhile, non-materialistic pairs communicated more effectively and were more respectful of their partner's viewpoints during arguments than money-loving couples, researchers found.
Learn even more new ways to pad your checking account this year. Visit Men's Health News.
Next »Day 12
Visit the Grandparents
Why It'll Work: Set the TiVo to record the football game this Sunday and plan a trip to grandma's house instead. A study in Family Relations found that grandparents use get-togethers as opportunities to mentor, pass on traditions, and teach family values to their grandchildren. Building strong bonds between your parents and your kids will teach the tots to respect and empathize with their elders. Result: A happy, close-knit family.
Next »Day 13
Be a Team
Why It'll Work: Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, found that couples that say "we" are better at resolving disagreements than couples that emphasized their separateness by using pronouns like "I," "me," and "you." The couples that identified more as "we" also showed less stress and were more positive. Ultimately, "we-ness" or "separateness" language is a strong gauge of marital satisfaction, past research has found. In the face of a conflict, you can choose to team up with your wife or become polarized. But couples that considered themselves a partnership felt better equipped to work through challenges and more confident about making big decisions.
Next »Day 14
Banish Her Pre-Baby Blues
Why It'll Work: A pregnant woman's hormones are less stable than the Dow, but being a supportive husband will pay off in the long run, a recent study suggests. Your understanding attitude could help keep your wife and baby happy and healthy. The quality of a marriage is the strongest indicator of a woman's prenatal mental health, the study found. On the other hand, unhappy relationships are closely linked to depression. Poor mental health has been associated with premature birth, low birth weight and health problems that can last into your little one's school years.
Next »Day 15
Show Affection Outside the Bedroom
Why It'll Work: P.D.A now stands for Private Displays of Affection. A study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy found that a woman's relationship satisfaction increased when her husband was physically affectionate in a subtle, non-erotic way—no licking, kissing, or groping involved. Instead, go for a more subtle move— while driving, rest your hand a few inches above her knee for a low-key turn-on. She'll feel closer to you knowing that you want to be close to her— even when she's not undressing.
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Next »Day 16
Make It a Clean Fight
Why It'll Work: A good argument may keep you and your marriage healthy. That's because how you argue can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship—and your lifespan. University of Michigan researchers analyzed almost 200 couples for nearly two decades and found that those who stifled their anger died earlier than those who expressed their anger and resolved the conflict amicably. The couples that stewed over the problems doubled their likelihood of heading to the grave early. Why? They never tried to fix the problem, which likely led to an increase in stress and resentment. Voice your opinion early, and respect her point of view—even when you're convinced she's wrong.
Next »Day 17
Lock Lips Every Morning
Why It'll Work: Don't walk out the door without a see-you-later kiss. "Skin-on-skin contact releases oxytocin, which lowers stress and makes you feel connected," says Patricia Love, Ed.D., the coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. "When a man is touch-deprived, this need becomes sexualized, making his wife think he just wants sex, and creating more tension." You only need to set aside 1 minute a day. "It takes just a few seconds of skin-on-skin contact a few times a day to start oxytocin production," says Love. A kiss in the morning, a hug after work, and another kiss before bed can produce a lasting feeling of intimacy.
Next »Day 18
Get Out More Often
Why It'll Work: If your relationship is in a rut, nix the usual dinner date in lieu of something new. Boredom can be just as detrimental to your marriage as bickering, according to a study in the journal Psychological Science. Researchers analyzed more than 120 couples on their 7-year anniversary, and again on their 16-year anniversary. The study indicated that greater boredom in year seven predicted significantly less satisfaction at year 16. Always be on the lookout for new opportunities to try together. Check out the Men's Health Adventure Guide to inject a much-needed shot of adrenaline into your relationship.
Next »Day 19
Laugh At Her
Why It'll Work: Among the most affirming things one person can do for another is to laugh at the other's attempts at humor. Lots of husbands, over time, forget this salute. What's that, you say? Your wife isn't funny? So what? Neither is your dolt of a boss, but you laugh at his lame attempts. Why? Because you're trying to prove you respect him. Bingo! One of the biggest dangers mature marriages face is that Homer and Marge stop trying to demonstrate their respect for each other. Laughter is tonic for a woman's woes. Keep it on display.
Next »Day 20
Hire a Babysitter
Why It'll Work: Ninety percent of couples experienced a nosedive in marital joy once they had kids, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. (Your childless friends aren't immune, either—kids simply accelerate the rate at which bliss plummets.) However, researchers found that certain qualities—such as being married longer prior to having kids and raking in bigger paychecks—protect couples from the post-birth decline. Until then, safeguard your marriage by shelling out for a babysitter or 'hiring' the in-laws at least one night a week.
Next »Day 21
Plan a Romantic Weekend
Why It'll Work: Tune in to your wife's sexual calendar by timing her menstrual cycle, suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. Then plan your romantic weekends accordingly. Ovulation raises testosterone levels, which makes some women extremely horny during their most fertile days. A recent study of 68 sexually active women published in theJournal of Human Reproduction revealed elevated levels of testosterone and an average 24 percent increase in frequency of intercourse during the 6 days leading up to each woman's ovulation. Calculate the start of this magic window by counting 2 weeks after she begins her period and subtracting 6 days.
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Next »Day 22
Make a Suggestion
Why It'll Work: During those times when the two of you are on solid ground and you want to move things to a higher plane, consider pushing the boundaries a bit. A recent survey of 2,000 women found that two out of three were interested in light bondage. The key is to keep the adventure positive. "Don't imply that you want this because the sex has grown stale," says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., the director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio. "When you phrase it as something fun you want to try, it's about having a good time, not fixing something that's broken."
Next »Day 23
Slow Down
Why It'll Work: "Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of work and family life and feeling sexual," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. "A few minutes of foreplay usually aren't enough." After a few years together, men tend to start shortening foreplay, but the average woman takes 27 minutes to reach orgasm. A warm bath is a good place to start.
Next »Day 24
Assume a New Position
Why It'll Work: According to a study in Personal Relationships, women are more likely than men to get bored in a relationship. Trying a new sex position is one of the easiest ways to inject variety into the most intimate part of your life. Try the Cuban Plunge: As you assume the man-on-top position, ask her to bring her knees to her chest and drape her legs over your shoulders. Her vagina will be elongated and extended, and your penetration will be deeper and more pleasurable for her—a win-win situation. And don't stop there: visit the Men's Health Sex Position Master for even more mind-blowing options.
Next »Day 25
Be More Detailed
Why It'll Work: When she asks how your day went, she doesn't want to hear "fine, and yours?" She wants details, not a highlight reel. To maximize the effectiveness, frame things in terms of your emotional reactions: "I was nervous when they didn't jump at the offer, but I felt excited when they realized I was right." "She needs to hear you talk about your feelings as best you can. You'll be amazed at what revealing your feelings can do for the level of intimacy between you," says Les Parrott III, Ph.D., the author of Love Talk.
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Next »Day 26
Make Time for Poker Night
Why It'll Work: The more time you spend together, the more alike you become—and that can quickly lead to relationship ennui. Worse, you lose the benefits that come from hanging out in groups. Researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia found that people who belong to large social groups do a better job of facing tough challenges—and might even stay healthier during cold and flu season—than those who hang out in smaller crowds. A separate study found that people large, rich social networks have bigger, more developed amygdalas, a region of the brain linked to memory and emotion.
Next »Day 27
Fold the Laundry
Why It'll Work: More than likely, she could use the time off. "Many married men were raised by parents who modeled gender-stereotyped roles—the men have careers, take care of the yard," says Ken Waldman, Ph.D., former director of the University of Houston's counseling center. "In today's culture, with many wives working outside the home, a role-based paradigm no longer works." In other words, it's time that you tend to that lucky tee yourself.
Next »Day 28
Touch Her Here
Why It'll Work: If you skip her nipples once you've moved on to the main event, start aiming higher even after penetration. In a recent study, researchers found that nipple stimulation activates the same parts of a woman's brain as clitoral stimulation. Combining the two during sex could give her an even more mind-blowing climax, researchers say. Here's how to pull it off: Have her lie down on the bed with a pillow under her hips. Enter her from behind and cup her breasts with your hands while she stimulates her clitoris with her fingers.
Next »Day 29
Send Her a Reminder
Why It'll Work: Reminding your wife of commonalities—whether it's a birth date, a passion for Japanese architecture, or your favorite vacation spot—will ignite her desire for you, suggests recent research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. There's even a scientific term for the phenomenon: "implicit egotism." It means we humans are attracted to things and people that remind us of ourselves.
Next »Day 30
Eat Late
Why It'll Work: When partners who generally have good relationship skills are under extreme work stress, they have trouble using their communication and relationship tools, says Lisa Neff, Ph.D., an assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of Texas. She recommends taking time to unwind after you arrive home by doing what you want to do, instead of diving right into dinner. If you tell your wife that dinner conversation is much more enjoyable after you've shed the day's stress by shooting some baskets or tinkering in the garage, she'll be more likely to understand where you're coming from, Neff says. This will give her a chance to cool off as well: Neff has found that husbands of stressed-out wives are especially unhappy.
Make this the year you calm down for good: Start with these 52 Ways to Control and Conquer Stress.
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