(Image: Princess Hickmond for Crushable)
I don't ask a lot from the Gods of Pop Culture in the Sky, so I'm really hoping that they'll honor my one single Christmas wish this year. It's not something big like a Life Size Barbie or anything…it's just ten celebrity dream couples that I'd really like to get together. You guys can make that happen, right?
It's just that all year I've been saving up my niceness, and I think I held back enough snark that I really deserve this one thing. THIS ONE THING. I'm a smart lady, and I pay attention to celebrities like it's my job (because it is), so just one holiday a year, I should be allowed to take control of their lives and who they date. I am all-seeing and all-knowing, and goddamnit you should just trust me on this.
So here they are, everyone — then ten celebrity couples that I want to get together this year. In case you're looking for something to get me for Christmas.
1. Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson
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I mean, you knew these two would be on the list somewhere, so why not put them right at the top where they belong? Joshifer is such a thing now that I even get yelled at when fans don't think I'm treating their 'relationship' with the respect it deserves. I know the current rumor is that J-Law and Liam Hemsworth are dating, but screw that and give the people what they want, guys.
2. Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss
Guys. For real, I would love this so much. There have been rumors for years now that Taylor isn't necessarily straight, but that she thinks her image would suffer if she came out of the closet, so until that day, I'll just keep this fantasy alive via my rich imagination.
3. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
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Don't even lie, your nineties self would be so thrilled if this would happen. It would be like Titanic IRL. Sure, Kate is already married, but it's to a dude with the last name Rocknroll, so I think that leaves a definite loophole in their sacred vows. Whatever it takes to stop Leo from dating progressively younger models, let's make it happen.
4. Demi Lovato and Nick Jonas
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I'll be honest — I just want to get Demi away from her current skeevball of a boyfriend, Wilmer Valderrama. And since she's already dated Joe, Kevin is gay married, and she seems to get along pretty well with Nick, Nick it is!
5. Michelle Williams and Jason Segel
(Photo: WENN.com)
Listen, these two both seem to be smart, grounded, capable people, so I have no doubt that their breakup was the right thing for them. HOWEVER. That doesn't stop me from shipping them real hard and wanting them to get back together pronto.
6. Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort
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I don't particularly care about either of them, but they have a similarly dreamy, almost pretentious quality that from the outside seems like it matches quite well. SO DO IT!
7. Jana Duggar and Tim Tebow
(Photo: Facebook)
I could not want this any harder. I want this for Jana so hard that it doesn't even have to be Tim Tebow, it could be anyone. Basically I want someone — anyone! — who can take her away from her family, the Duggars, who star on the reality TV series 19 Kids and Counting. Basically you don't have value in that family unless you're courting or popping out a litter of your own kids, and since Jana is doing neither, she has plenty of time to get edited out of her own TV show. (Legit, that really happened. #freejana)
8. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson
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Still holding onto this dream. I won't let go of Larry Stylinson until the day I die.
9. Ryan Seacrest and Derek Hough
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The last time I broached the topic that Derek might not be the straightest arrow in the quiver, you guys got really mad, so I'm hoping you've calmed down a little bit in the time since then. Mostly because A. there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, and B. I think these two would be pretty adorbz together — after all, the rumor is that they were dating during Ryan and Julianne Hough's relationship fakelationship.
10. James Franco and Lindsay Lohan
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They can deny it all they want (and when I say 'they', what I mean is James), but sometimes the perfect match is right in front of your face. They're the perfect pair of narcissists, and they'll probably never find anyone else as ideal for them as they are for each other.
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